Musings of a Teacher

A New Year!

2010-01-01T23:12:00.000-08:00

A new year has come around once again. It seems every year moves more and more quickly than the last, and with every New Year there is a sense of renewal, almost a do over. It spurs many to make resolutions that often don't make it past the first week. It's a time in which we are hopeful and look forward to what the future may bring.

I admit I am no different in these respects. No, I am not making resolutions that are sure to fail soon after they are made. I am, however, looking expectantly forward and hoping for a brighter future. If you've been reading my blog for any amount of time you will notice (other than the scarcity of my posts this past year) is that the past few years have been difficult for J.R. and I as it seems we slip further and further down. Yet I continue to hope that things will change. (Side note: I'm extremely thankful that I have such a wonderful husband and that our marriage has stayed strong despite our difficulties. It seems as if we hold on to each other as we hold on to hope that things will change for the better. I don't know what I would do without him.)

When I first began this blog over 2 years ago things were quite a bit different for us, yet other things are the same. I was teaching at the time and many of my posts involved amusing or frustrating stories from the classroom.

I am now in the midst of my second year of not being able to teach. Something which has been no small blow to my sense of identity. Something which I continue to deal with on not simply a financial level with the loss of income but on an emotional and mental level with the loss of part of who I believe myself to be. A loss of purpose.

Two years ago J.R. and I were also trying to have children, which was another frequent post topic. J.R. and I are still trying and moving into our fourth year of doing so. However, posting about this topic has waned as I have become more and more dull to the pain. I no longer cry every month as I discover once again that I am not pregnant. I no longer cry as my friends announce their pregnancies (many of which are on number 2 in the time we've been trying for 1).

No, I merely shrug my shoulders and push aside the heaviness that weighs on my heart. A pain that is always creeping at the surface but rarely comes through. Writing these words would have sent me to tears just a year ago, now I am able to pour them out without batting an eye, though my heart is a bit heavier. The reality is more pressing concerns, like our mere survival have taken precedence over the deep longings of my heart.

So a lot has changed and not much has changed. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I feel as though the Lord is stripping me of everything so that He can build me back up into the person he wants me to be, into the person He created me to be. This is just a long and difficult process, a process for which I am in need of a breather from.

However, to the point of this particular post, other than my reminiscent ramblings. A few months ago I decided that my blog was in need of a long overdue change. The title alone was quite misleading. Even though I struggle with that part of my identity I know full well that being a teacher is simply a part of who I am regardless of whether or not I have a classroom in which to teach. Yet, I still feel the need to change.

In the past year or more there has been one word that I have held close to my heart. The Bible is filled with mentions of this one word, 174 times to be exact. It is coincidentally featured in my favorite Bible verse and it has just stuck with me. The word is hope. I have been hoping for so long for so many different things. I have placed my hope in the promises of God. Because of that I know no matter how low I go there is a hope and a future waiting for me because my hope is in the Lord.

So with that I have started a new blog, Faithfully Hoping, which I thought was a more appropriate title for my blog. So if there is anyone out there still reading, you can find me there. Hopefully, this will spur me to write a bit more frequently as I really do want to write more. Time just seems to have slipped past me these past couple of months. Hope to see you over there. Don't mind the mess for now. I'm still working on a few things for it.

So Happy New Year from Texas!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

~Jeremiah 29:11

Unexpected Events - Job

2009-11-30T04:02:00.000-08:00

I am finally getting to the second of my unexpected events. Better late than never right? You'll soon understand why its taken so long to get this or any other post out recently (as far as the last few months, well there's just no good reason there.)

About a week and a half before I left for Texas I was talking to an old friend of mine online. And like many conversations people have with friends they haven't seen in some time the topic of jobs came up. I told this friend I had been out of a job for quite some time (about a year and a half to be exact). He then proceeded to ask me if I wanted him to check if there was something available where he worked. I told him sure not thinking anything would really come of it.

The next thing I knew I was sitting at an "interview" for a job at 1am. Yes, you read that right my "interview" was at 1am. See this wasn't for any old position. It was for a graveyard position. The reason I also call it an "interview" is because it wasn't much of an interview. Basically, I sat there while this man did everything he could to scare me away from this job. I pegged him as a jerk from the beginning and that opinion hasn't changed, it's only been solidified.

As you might have guessed he offered me a job on the spot. The only problem was I was leaving for Texas the next week. I told him as much and he told me to call him as soon as I got back and he would see if he had something for me. The next week just before I left for Texas my friend contacted me and told me I had a job and would start once I came home. I was relieved and devastated all at the same time. J.R. and I desperately need the income but I really didn't want to have to take this particular job.

I got home from Texas only find that I actually didn't have a job. I spoke to the manager and he informed me that he didn't currently have anything for me but he hoped to have something in the next week or two. (As you might guess there's a fairly high turn around for a job with hours like this.) I was again relieved that I didn't have this particular job but was met with the dilemma that I still needed a job and fast.

I spent the next week in a mad rush to find a job in hopes that I wouldn't have to take that job when he eventually called me. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. Friday night at 12am this manager called offering me a job. He then wondered why I didn't sound interested in the job.

Well, let's think about this one genius. I have gone to school for 20+ years in order to be a teacher and do something I love. I now find myself in the position to take on a different job because of necessity. Not to mention I'm so horribly overqualified for this job. Then let's add to that the late hours where I'll only see my husband for a minimal time (sometimes 30 whole minutes) each day. Oh yeah and let's not forget its 12am! So forgive me if I'm not jumping for joy over this particular job.

Oh how I wish I would have had the mind (and guts) to tell him such. But I simply blamed it on being tired. I hung up the phone and cried throwing myself a little pity party about the whole thing. It was something I just had to get out of my system and I did. Don't get me wrong I'm very thankful that I finally have a job again. I'll just be even more thankful when I can find something a bit more convenient. The one thing about this schedule that has been nice is the fact that we only have one car at the moment. It makes figuring that out a whole lot easier.

So for now I sleep while J.R. is at work and he sleeps (or tries) while I'm at work. We're making it through. It's not very easy as we don't get to see each other very much. It's just going to take some extra work to stay connected with each other. We are also consoling ourselves in the hopes that this is simply a temporary state of affairs and that something better will come along soon.

Oh and if you've made it this far I'm sure you're wondering what in the world I'm doing that I have to have such crazy late hours. I'm doing data entry at a medical lab. I thought it would be horribly boring and repetitive, but its not. It's actually pretty challenging and keeps me on my toes which is nice considering the hours. However, I do feel terribly old as most of the people I work with are quite a bit younger than I am. You'd be pretty stunned at who all handles your lab work.

So that's what I've been up to the past couple of weeks. Despite not being thrilled with the job I have, I am happy that I do finally have a job. I praise God for always being faithful and providing for J.R. and I, even if its something I don't really want to do.

Unexpected Events - Cakes

2009-11-23T02:51:00.000-08:00

The last several weeks of my life have been rather unexpected. I keep meaning to post about these most recent events, as well as implement some changes that I hope will spark in me the drive to write a bit more frequently. So here I finally go.

The first of the unexpected events started about a month and a half ago. I received a phone call from my mom with some exciting news. She was invited to have a table for her cakes at a ladies night out event that a local store does every year. They just asked her to donate 100 cupcakes and whatever else she made she could sell.

My mom was obviously excited about this opportunity. However, she was also a bit overwhelmed. It seemed she already had a wedding cake, a groom's cake and a shower cake booked that week. She knew she couldn't do it all and she didn't want to pass up this great opportunity. That was when she asked if I would be willing to come help her. Three weeks later I found myself on a plane heading for Texas.

My week in Texas flew by. My mom and I did a total of 6 cakes and over 200 cupcakes in that short amount of time. On our way to the airport my dad asked if I enjoyed my visit to Texas. I replied, "Oh that's where I've been. I wouldn't have known as I never left the house."

Sadly this was mostly true. My mom and I did manage a trip to Shreveport to do some shopping. Also, as payment for my work my mom took me to get my hair cut and colored, something I was in desperate need of just simply didn't have the money for. But other than that we were all business, up to our necks in frosting and fondant.

The event went well for my mom. It put both of us a bit out of our comfort zones as neither one of us is much of a salesperson. We're actually both fairly quiet. This experience forced us to be quite a bit more vocal than either of us is used to or very comfortable with. But we survived were doing pretty well as the night went on. We didn't sell as much as we hoped and planned. We chalked up the whole thing as a learning experience. Not to mention my mom gained a lot of advertising by being there and showing her work. (She received 4 calls the next day for cakes and she's been busy every week cranking out those cakes ever since.)

All in all I had a good week with my parents. It was nice to spend some time with them. It was also really nice to do some cake decorating. I haven't done any since my mom left and its something I really do love to do. It's a great way to be creative. Now if only I could fit all those tools in my suitcase when I go back for Christmas, then I'd be set.

So that's the first of my unexpected events. I'll save the next one for (hopefully) tomorrow and I'll leave you with pictures from the cakes my mom and I did that week.

Definitely one of the favorites.

The duck was no bigger than the tip of my pinky. Rolling those "bubbles" all night was not fun, my hand was numb.

These presents were about an inch big. That made for some delicate work, especially with those ribbons.

The cupcakes

Here's a close up of some of the cupcakes.

The wedding cake

I was shocked my mom let me do this one just about on my own. It was an easy cake, but I know how hard it was for her to give up control like that. She's such a control freak when it comes to her cakes.

The groom's cake (nope not at all obvious they're living in Texas.)

The shower cake

Our table

(Not the greatest picture but my parents are having issues sending me the better pictures.)

Rediscovering My Hope

2009-10-30T13:20:00.000-07:00

Once again it's been far too long since my last post. But I've had good reason for not posting. Well, maybe not a good reason but a valid excuse. Earlier this week I wrote a long drawn out post about all my woes. It was quite depressing, which actually is fairly fitting considering my state of mind. I've been battling a not so small dose of depression as of late (which is the main reason for my lack of posting, simply no will). As I wrote all my problems spilled onto the page as I whined on and on about how my life sucks right now. But something happened as my problems were made definitive in black and white. They didn't seem to matter quite as much. Simply having my thoughts written out and organized seemed to clear my mind. And then something started to slip into me that I haven't felt in some time, hope.

No things aren't the greatest right now. I don't really have any more answers than I did at the beginning of this week. But I also know that things will not always be this way. This is simply a stage in my (our) life. I fully believe that God has some lessons for us to learn throughout all this. I'm not sure what those lessons are but I'm hoping I can figure those out quickly so I can move on to the next stage. Hopefully, that stage will have a little less turmoil or at least a semblance of a break from this deluge of issues with which we are dealing. I just have to hold on till we overcome this current battle we are facing. I must remember to turn to my God because he is my hope and my strength which I so desperately need because I honestly don't have any at the moment. I also can't forget to write most especially in the darkest of places because it always seems to alleviate the pain and makes things feel not quite as disastrous as they once seemed.

So some changes are coming soon around here. I've been working on something new and I'm hoping to reveal it in the next day or two. So if anyone is still out there, stay tuned for that. :) And I'll leave this post with my favorite verse.

"For I know the plans I have for you." declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

My Husband Rocks! - Our Anniversary

2009-09-25T14:57:00.000-07:00

Today is J.R. and my 5th anniversary. I can hardly believe its been five years already. The time has seemed to fly by. Needless to say the past year has been the toughest year of our short marriage and things don't seem to be getting any better, more like worse day by day. I don't know how we're going to survive this mess but I know we will. One thing I do cherish is that even in the midst of this huge storm we are going through there is a peace in our home. We are at peace with one another and we are at peace knowing that our Father is faithful to take care of all our needs.

So this week my husband rocks because he is the most wonderful husband around. I don't know what I would do without him. Despite our current struggles, these past five (6 1/2 since I met him) have been the greatest years of my life and I can't imagine spending the rest of my life (in the good times and the bad) with anyone else. I love you babe and can't wait to spend many more years with you no matter what they may bring.

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. ~Doug Larson

My Husband Rocks! - My Hero

2009-09-18T12:18:00.001-07:00

Well, again its been a while since I've written or done one of these in a while. Things seem to be going from bad to worse around here and I don't have much energy or will to write. Instead I've been burying myself in the wonderful world of books. It's my escape from reality. I've recently rediscovered the library. I love the library and had forgotten that important fact until I started this new reading binge. I've been there at least once a week for the past few weeks devouring each book within two days only to move on to the next. What can I say? Reality just sucks right now so I'd rather be living in the world of my books. Well, not really considering most of my books are thriller types and I'm not sure I would like to be caught in the dangers that these fictional characters are. But at least it takes me away for a while and its the right price too. Free!

But on to the reason for this post. Needless to say things have been stressful around here for both J.R. and I. It seems we are inching closer and closer to rock bottom and we need a miracle of some sort. Last week was quite the doozy as I had some issues with my family. In the midst of that problem I just about broke. While J.R. and I were out visiting his grandpa in the nursing home with the rest of his family I was getting calls from my family about said issue. It took every ounce of me to sit there and not cry while this mess swarmed around me. My husband rocks because when things just got too much for me, he stepped in and took over. He knew I just couldn't take it anymore. He took my phone and walked away while he dealt with the mess with my family. And I am so very thankful for that. I don't know what I would do without him. It might be a small thing but in my eyes he's my hero. He does such a wonderful job of taking care of me.

I'm (Hopefully) Back :)

2009-08-26T23:34:00.000-07:00

Hello? Anybody out there? Yeah ok I'm officially a terrible blogger. It's been over a month since I wrote last. Plenty to write about. Zero drive to write. I've been telling myself daily for the past week or more, "just write." And of course I've been highly successful with that method. But tonight I'm breaking the silence and just writing. We'll see what spills out.

Lots has been going on actually. J.R. and I have been keeping busy, though I won't lie and say I've been too busy to write. Let's face it. I'm at home all day basically everyday. I have plenty of time to write.

Let's see in the past month (or two actually now) J.R. and I have:

Had a couple of garage sales in order to clean out my parents garage. I won't get into that one because I'll just become upset. Let's just say there wasn't just a few things to take care of there. (Thankfully made a little money.)
Went to Pageant of the Masters. If you live in So Cal and have never been I HIGHLY recommend you do this. It's A-Mazing!! We were able to go because my MIL was able to get free tickets.
My brother went to Texas to visit my parents for a month, during which time I was able to use his fantastically fun car.
During this time of car borrowing, our own car was towed by our amazingly stupid HOA. Hoping and praying they give us our money back because we really can't afford to lose $270.
Went to a water park with some great friends T, M and K. We were able to get in at a great price as my SIL works there this summer.
Went up to Big Bear for a weekend with J.R.'s family.
Went to the X Games specifically to see the Rally Races with my MIL. It's really amazing.

So those are the major things going on. Well, maybe not major things. There are far more weighing things going on but I think I'll reserve those for another day. In other news, Friday is my birthday. My 29th to be exact. I'm not particularly thrilled with this one for a number of reasons.

I've never been one to put too much into getting older. (Of course I am still only in my 20's). But this one has seemed to hit me a little hard. This just isn't where I expected to be at this point in my life. I find myself disappointed, not with anyone in particular, simply disappointed and lost. Hoping to find my way out soon. J.R. and I are both tired of the way things are and hoping for some kinda of resolution soon. We'll just have to wait and see. Here's hoping there's a light at the end of this and quickly. Here's also hoping I can manage to write a little more frequently than I have been lately. :)

Late Nights

2009-07-14T19:43:00.000-07:00

I have not gotten to bed before 4am the last 3 Saturdays! This is extremely unlike me. Yes, I am a bit of a night owl, but to be out that late? Well, not exactly part of my normal routine. Poor J.R. who is definitely not a night owl has had to suffer through these late nights (although at least one was partially his fault).

The 4th we met up with our good friends, T, M & K (my brother lives with them) and we all went to their friends house for a BBQ and some swimming. We ended up swimming all afternoon and into the evening. The boys then decided to start a game of golf on in Wii. It was after 11pm and that thing is about as close as you can get to playing a real golf game in your living room. So needless to say it took quite some time.

We girls ended up talking most of the evening. What else were we supposed to do? Watch them play golf? I don’t think so. When it gets that late in the evening and into the wee hours of the morning, conversations tend to get pretty interesting. And ours was no different. We did enjoy ourselves even if we were a bit delusional. Well, the boys then decided to play a short game of Frisbee golf. Fantastic. We didn’t end up leaving their house till after 3 am. Thankfully, we took our own car because these new friends of ours didn’t exactly live around the corner. All in all it was a good 4th. The only thing missing was my parents.

This past Saturday was quite the uneventful day. J.R. and I were pretty lazy the entire day. Neither one of us even made an attempt at getting ready until after 5pm. We didn’t leave the house until after 9pm. That should have been our first clue that it was going to be a long evening, that and the fact that the softball tournament we were going to didn’t start until 9pm. The only reason we even left the house then was to watch my brother in a softball tournament.

We ended up watching two of his games. However, at 2 in the morning we told him good night. We then went to find some food because as usual M was starving. We ended up sitting around talking till after 4am. Then we had yet another long drive home and wound up getting to bed just before 5am. Not fun.

What was worse about this particular late night was the fact that we agreed to meet J.R.’s mom for breakfast that morning. 8:30 rolled around and we were up and out the door yet again. We had a nice breakfast but went straight home and back to bed afterward. That evening my brother came over so we could Skype with my parents, while J.R. went to his hockey game. I have to say, I love Skype. It certainly has made dealing with this move a whole lot easier. However, as time goes on it doesn’t seem quite enough.

So quite the unusual weekends for J.R. and I. This next one promises to be no different, though hopefully more sleep will be involved.

The Blahs

2009-07-12T14:32:00.000-07:00

Seems lately I have been out of the loop with just about everyone and everything. Seems my parents’ leaving has hit me pretty hard. Oh that’s not to say that I didn’t think it would. I knew it would, I guess I just didn’t know exactly how it would affect me. I am only now just beginning to see and understand the ramifications thereof. It seems a lot like a state of depression. No, I’m not sad all the time; I don’t go moping around the house. But I am definitely withdrawing myself from almost everyone and everything and that is very typical of me in a state of depression.

I have no desire to be around friends or people for that matter. I only want to be around those I am closest to and who truly know me. I can count off the people on that list using only one hand. I am discovering things that no longer got to me, things I thought I finally worked through and moved on from, are beginning to get to me again. I have to say I don’t like that not one bit.

I feel numb. I would be perfectly happy holed up in my bedroom with a good amount of good books and good movies never to be seen or heard from, well maybe not ever again, but certainly a good long while. It seems this move of theirs only emphasizes how much my life is at standstill in so many ways. I have felt for years, YEARS that I am just sitting here in neutral revving my engine. However, it seems that instead of actually going anywhere, God has me on blocks and is continuing to strip me to the bone. Hmm. I guess that’s really where He wants us all completely bare so He can work with us and build us into who He would like us to be so He can direct where we should go. I am aware of all this but it really doesn’t make it easier to go through.

Quite honestly, I’m tired, weak and worn and I just want off this merry-go-round cause this girl isn’t so merry about all this. I want to eventually be moving in the direction I am supposed to go. However, that is a difficulty in and of itself because I don’t even know the next step to take much less the direction I should go. There are so many things I would like to do in life, so many dreams yet to be fulfilled, but I feel stalled unable to move, again, not knowing what even the first step should be.

Even now a couple of opportunities have presented themselves to me. One I am pretty interested in just not sure where it will lead. The other is stable and the very logical thing to do. Yet it is something to do to simply pass the time. I’m tired of simply passing the time. I realize the state that things are in right now and I should be jumping for joy at the opportunity to begin to just make things do. However, I’m not. I want more and believe that better things are in store. I just am not sure how long I will have to wait for those things to come about or even if those things are what God truly has in store for me. So for now I continue to sit here in neutral revving my engine while it feels like the world flies right on by.

My Magical Wonderland

2009-07-09T11:27:00.000-07:00

Wednesday evening J.R. and I were walking through Target on a quick run to get a few essentials when all of a sudden I froze in my steps with a look of glee on my face. You know the look a child has when walking into a candy store or a toy store at Christmas. J.R. soon saw what I had seen and then noticed the look of joy on my face and uttered an “oh great” rather unenthusiastically. For what I beheld was simply magical to me and to him equaled a lot more time in the store and more than likely more money being spent. This event is second only to that of Christmas items coming to the store every year. Now what was this amazing thing I saw you might ask?

It was the school supply section now open and available for me to drool over every time I go into the store. I don’t know what it is about school supplies but I love them and I can’t seem to get enough of them. Even as I wandered through their magical goodness, I wracked my brain for any ~~excuse~~ reason to buy things. Pens, pencils, rulers, markers, push pins, I don’t care. If I have even the slightest ~~excuse~~ reason, you bet I’m going to buy it. Unfortunately no longer teaching affords me fewer and fewer ~~excuses~~ reasons to buy these wonderful goodies.

I’m not sure what it is about school supplies (probably the fact that I absolutely love school and always have) or what it is about new pens and pencils and paper that just make you want to write. However, considering my current state of mind (which isn’t great here people) I need a whole lotta new pens to get this out of my system and now I have a great excuse. So here’s to a new year of new school supplies and my new pens that I actually wrote this post with. :)

Texas - The Final Chapter ... For Now

2009-07-01T13:53:00.000-07:00

Since I came home from Texas a month ago tomorrow, I figured it's time to wrap up my adventures in Texas. Thankfully, the rest of my time there was much calmer than the first part. Sunday morning was my first experience at their new church. It's a pretty small church and you feel like you are walking into the past when you walk into the doors. Everyone was extremely friendly (well that was just about everywhere we went really). I really enjoyed the morning service, which was a nice surprise because I didn't know quite what to expect.

Their New Church

That afternoon we relaxed a bit. We had been working so hard for a couple of weeks and we all needed the rest. At this new church every 5th Sunday of the month the church has their Sunday evening service (yes they still have Sunday evening services) at the lake. One of the couples in the church owns a house on the lake and they have their service there and have a potluck after. It was really beautiful and very relaxing to sit around by the lake. Some went fishing and others just sat around and talked. All in all a very nice evening.

Isn't this house incredible?

Their backyard

Monday the three of us got up and went to the house to see how much unpacking we could possibly get done. It seemed pretty overwhelming at first. However, by the end of the day the end was in sight. We got very close to finishing up and my parents were able to finish things up on their own in a matter of days. We did, however, end up spending the whole time I was in Texas at my uncle's house. My parents didn't spend their first night in their new home until I already left.

Tuesday was a difficult day. Actually, I tear up just thinking about it. My flight left around 3:00 and we had a three hour drive to Houston to get me there. So we made sure to leave the house early enough so that we had plenty of time. We got to the airport and said our goodbyes at the curb. That was really hard on all of us. I really didn't want to go. Honestly, if it weren't for J.R. I probably wouldn't have.

I then had to wait at the airport for a couple of hours which thankfully didn't seem to long. I had a short layover in Phoenix where I didn't even change planes just got off and right back on. Both flights were packed so I was uncomfortable most of the trip. Oh well. Then I finally made it home to find J.R. there with these.

(And a sparkly clean house to boot.) I love that man. He knows how to take care of me, that is for sure.

Adventures in Texas

2009-06-25T21:51:00.001-07:00

Since this month is almost over, I figured I should wrap up my posts about Texas. FINALLY! I've been in quite the writing slump lately and just can't seem to get myself out of it. I think I may be starting to revive here in the near future. Let's hope so.

Our first full day in Texas was pretty relaxing. We spent the morning sleeping and lounging around my uncle's house. We were all still pretty tired from the long trip. We decided this would probably be the only day we had free to ourselves so we decided to take a drive to the next city which is a bit bigger than the small little town my parents moved to. It was really nice and I liked it there. We began shopping for supplies for our adventure in painting while still in my parents new town and continued along the way.

Because the area my parents moved to is so small not every store is in every city, like it pretty much is here (or at least within a reasonable driving distance). So we ended up driving even further to the next city for another store. We ended up going back and forth across the highway on this loop most of the afternoon. We would be in one store and remember we needed something else in another store which would happen to be across the highway. This happened numerous times which was a little confusing. The loops there take some getting used to but this particular loop was under construction at the moment which made things a little more interesting.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the end to our days adventures. We headed on our way back "home." Meanwhile, my parents are still getting used to the area and began to "discuss" which way to get back. I chimed in with a brilliant idea of using the GPS. I know, I know, what are they going to do without me. :) I got everything in and gave my dad the next directions and turned it off so as not to wear down my mom's phone.

Then my dad saw a sign. I think we all wish my dad had never seen that sign. Because that sign took us on what seemed like a wild goose chase. When he turned I asked if it was the street I previously told him to turn down. He said he didn't know but that the sign told him to go that way.

Well, I don't think I mentioned this before but my parents basically moved to the south. They are in east Texas not far from Louisiana. And this road we were on wound round and round. We had no idea where we were, there was no signal on the phone for me to look up GPS or even call anyone to see if we were on the right track. And this road went on for what seemed like forever. Meanwhile, the theme song to Deliverance was dancing through my head as we saw lights from the houses we passed deep in the woods. We finally made it out and we were indeed there. But I guarantee my parents won't be taking that route again.

The next day we still were a little lazy and took it easy that morning. But we were soon off to the house for some major painting. We thankfully had a bit of help during the day and a little more help that evening. However, before we got that much needed help that evening we had a bit of an incident. Better yet, I had an incident. Backing up a bit. A few years ago my knee popped out of the socket. It was not a fun experience and had quite the makings for a very embarrassing moment. But I won't get into that this time around. A few months ago my knee did the same as I was getting into bed. Yes, I know. Very strenuous things I'm doing to cause this to happen. So there's a little background for you.

Meanwhile, we're painting this 2400 sq ft house. I was in one of the bathrooms as you guessed it, painting. I had done about as much as I could on the ground and I crawled up on the sink (don't worry it was plenty sturdy for me to be up there) to paint above the mirror. When all of a sudden my knee popped out of the socket. I shrieked. Actually, it was more of a shrill scream. This was made worse by the fact that unlike the other times when my knee just popped right back in place, it wasn't. It stayed out until just before my mom and the rest of the ladies helping us arrived to find out what on earth was going on to make me scream so. Now this was only a few seconds but when you're knee is out of the socket, this is an eternity. It finally popped back in place, thank God.

However, I'm still in this predicament of standing on a sink with only one good leg. There is no where for me to go but down. And down I went. Thankfully, I did not fall completely to the floor, instead I made a nice seat for myself in.the.paint. Yep, I sat in the paint. There was no where else for me to go and I plopped right in the middle of it. My mom came in the room and had to stifle her laughter as she saw me sitting in paint. I myself had to contain from laughing because it hurt too much to laugh. I was in quite the conundrum, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. This all took place in a matter of about 30 seconds. But it sure does feel like an eternity as its going on.

I eventually calmed myself down enough to get off the sink and hobble out to the backyard where my mom proceeded to hose me off. I was then restricted to sitting on the tarp the rest of the day, not that there was any real furniture to sit in in the first place. I then spent the next two days sitting on my behind scooting along the walls painting the lower half of the wall.

So as you can see my time in Texas was full of little adventures. That Saturday the truck with my parents things came in. We were thankful to have enough help that it was completely unloaded in only 2 hours (it might have been 1 1/2 hours). Our help then left and my parents and I spent some time getting a few things put together. My dad then told us that we were not going to do anything on the house on Sunday, we were just going to relax. With that we went back to my uncle's for some much needed rest.

Next post I'll finish up my exploits in Texas with a few pictures to make things at least a little more interesting.

Texas or Bust!

2009-06-16T12:08:00.000-07:00

I'm finally getting around to writing about my trip to Texas. Hopefully by the time I'm really done with this I will have a few pictures to show as well.

The drive to Texas was long but I really enjoyed the time I spent with my mom alone. We left Sunday morning with a very emotional goodbye to my brother, J.R. and our close friends. Thankfully that first day was an easy drive as we stopped in Phoenix for the evening so we could spend some time with my grandparents. While the drive may have been easy on us, it was not quite so easy on the cats. My parents have two monstrous cats and we had one in each car. Punkin was with us and that girl did not sleep for over 24 hours. Poor thing was bug eyed because she was so tired but too scared to sleep. We were able to get them to eat a little bit but she had us really worried. She eventually fell asleep the next afternoon and she was out for quite some time. We were very thankful for that.

Punkin warming up to the experience of driving.

Patches enjoying the scenery.
The second day's drive was quite a bit longer than the first. We expected to be on the road 10 hours. It's a long drive but not terrible. Little did we know that that 10 hour drive would really turn into a 12 hour drive. It felt like we would never get there and it seemed like one mishap after another occurred that day. It was probably around 11pm and we had just driven through Odessa and our destination was Midland, so we were almost there. Then a cop pulled out in front of me and he was going WAY below the speed limit. I followed him for a few miles because I didn't want it to seem like I was buzzing around him because I was driving with California plates and if anything is a target on your back that is. So I eased on around him, still not even doing the speed limit (which by the way was painful.) Then my dad followed me around.

The second my dad pulled in front of the cop, his lights went off. We couldn't believe it and we radioed to my dad asking what he had done. He said he didn't know but we soon found out that the light over his licence plate was out and that was the reason for this delay. This wouldn't have been a big deal just a minor inconvenience, however, my dad couldn't find his insurance. That on the other hand created a bigger deal. When we discovered what the problem was my mom tore through her bag, she was a woman on a mission as she searched for their proof of insurance. A few minutes later it was in my dad's hand and we were off with a small warning to get the light fixed.

Our problems that day didn't end there unfortunately. We finally got to the hotel and checked in. We walked into the room and the first thing I saw was one bed. One bed? I had spent the previous night on a pull out couch because that's all that hotel had. I was promised by my mom that this night I would have a bed of my own. So of course the minute I saw that I began to whine. My mom checked our paperwork and went down to straighten out the problem. She discovered that the woman had given us the wrong room (obviously) and that she was glad there hadn't been anyone in the other room. Say what? That would have been a bad bad thing, considering it was about 1 in the morning and we would have been barging in on someone, in Texas, where everyone carries a gun. Ok I'm exaggerating just a bit there but I did see some bikers that day riding along and one of them was carrying a gun. It's funny was a huge difference in culture a few hundred miles makes.

The next morning we woke up early because we had another long day of driving, though thankfully not as long as before. It was on this day that the scenery turned from

this to this.

I was amazed. It was so pretty. There were trees everywhere you looked. All you could see were trees. We finally arrived at my aunt and uncle's house around 5 or 6pm. We were there. We were exhausted. I met their neighbors who are really good close friends with my aunt and uncle. We eventually drove over to my parents new house where we met the people who were are renting it to them. They were still in the process of cleaning out the place, boy did it need to get cleaned out. But that's another story for another post. We were amazed at the size of the not only the house but the property as well. It's absolutely incredible! I'm still in wonder at how far apart all the houses are. There are a total of 3 houses on my parents block and it's a full sized block. Simply incredible.

So that was our drive to Texas. I'll be back hopefully sooner rather than later to talk about my actual time in Texas with my parents.

Faith Filled Steps

2009-06-09T19:46:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks have been both physically and emotionally draining for not just me but my entire family. Growing up my family moved from place to place fairly frequently. The longest I have ever lived in one city is 5 years. Very rarely did any of us truly feel like we fit in with our peer groups. Because of that it was always just the four of us and we were ok with that. Needless to say my family is extremely close. Everyone knows every one's business.

When we discovered that my parents were moving it was a pretty difficult thing to come to terms with. In fact, I don't think I completely have yet. It's been more than just hard. It's been one of the hardest things I've had to go through. My mom told me that leaving her kids like this has been the single most difficult thing she has ever done. But she also says that every time she begins having a difficult time God asks her if she trusts Him with us and He reminds her that He has a plan for us.

There is zero doubt in my mind that this move has been completely orchestrated by God. Things have fallen into place too quickly and far too smoothly for it to be anything else. The one thing that has struck me the entire time is that each step along the way has been perfectly aligned. God has not revealed multiple steps but has just laid them out one at a time asking my parents to take just one step of faith at a time. The way in which this position seemed to have come out of nowhere to my parents housing situation has been nothing short of a miracle.

When my parents left Texas over a month ago after their visit, they had nowhere to live. They were unable to find a house while they were there. In the midst of the problem of finding a house, my parents were having difficulty with their mortgage here in California like so many others as my mom hasn't worked in months. However, not even a week after they came back from their trip, one of the couples in the church received news that an older man they had been helping out passed away and because he had no family, he left his house to them. It turns out this house is huge (2400 sq ft on about 1/2 acre) and would be available for my parents to rent (at a rate that was about 1/3 of what they had been previously paying). What an amazing blessing!

Well, there was still the problem of my parents house. My parents desperately wanted to be able to refinance the house at a much lower rate so that J.R. and I could live there and be a lot more comfortable financially. Well, it seems that wasn't quite in God's plan. But we're ok with that. As we were loading up the truck with all my parents belongings a lady came up to the house. She told us she was a realtor and was wondering what my parents were going to do with the house. They told her that they were going to attempt to sell the house. She then informed them that she had a client that was interested in a house in the area and asked if he could come look at the house.

My parents were a little hesitant at first as the house was in a complete mess as we were packing up a truck. The realtor said not to worry and she called her client. Two minutes later he was there looking through the house. Last week the realtor called my mom and told her her client was ready to put in an offer and was just waiting for the for sale sign. That's just not something that happens everyday. We are all in complete awe of how great God is at planning out every single little step and that all he requires is for you to put one foot forward in faith. Incredible.

My Husband Rocks! - House Cleaning

2009-06-06T12:01:00.001-07:00

I promise a full update of my trip to Texas soon. But I wanted to brag on my wonderful husband even if it is a day late in coming. He has been so amazing during this terribly difficult time for me as my parents have moved away. I have been one weepy mess for weeks now and it doesn't seem to be letting up any. He has been completely understanding and that has meant so much to me.

But more than being understanding he did so much while I was gone. I was able to return to a nice clean house (certainly not the way I left it with all the madness that was going on before my parents left) and a bouquet of flowers.

Then yesterday he surprised me and took me down to Sea World for the evening. It was a really nice time and a good distraction for me. So those are all the reasons why my husband rocks this week. He really is too good to me and always knows exactly what I need. Thanks babe!

A fellow who does things that count, doesn't usually stop to count them.
~Variation of a saying by Albert Einstein

My Husband Rocks! - Texas

2009-05-22T11:25:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've done one of these but lately my husband really deserves this and so much more. Things have been pretty stressful around here with my parents moving to Texas. I've been able to hold it together pretty well but that's only because I choose not to think about the reality of it too much. I'm just trying to stay busy and occupied so I won't have to think about it. Because it really is going to be very difficult on me.

Over the past few weeks J.R. has made every effort to spend time with my parents. He comes home almost every day asking if I want to go over to their house to spend time with them. And we've done a lot of that lately. There's only been one night this entire week that we haven't been over there. Not only that but he is allowing me to help my parents in their move by letting me go out there with them. He even went a step farther to understand that my flight back home would be difficult on me and tried to find a way to fly out there to meet me and fly home with me. Unfortunately, that didn't quite work out but the sentiment was there and I'm so appreciative of him. I honestly hadn't even thought about how difficult the flight home was going to be for me before he brought up his idea. He's always thinking of me and supporting me and that's why my husband rocks this week.

Sunday morning we're off to Texas and I won't be back until June 2. Hopefully, I can get another post out before I go and while I'm out there. But the way I've been posting lately no promises there. :)

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the
right mate, but through being the right mate.
~Barnett R. Brickner

God's Chisel

2009-05-18T11:41:00.001-07:00

Wow! I can't believe it's been almost a month since I posted anything. I guess I just haven't been in the mood to write much lately. Hopefully that will change soon. I do want to write about my Mother's Day weekend soon even if that was already a week ago. This week is going to be a busy week as I help my parents pack up their house. We leave for Texas Sunday morning. (I'm going with them to help drive and move them in, not moving there with them, yet at least.)

I stumbled across this video this morning and it was simply too powerful not to share. So I'm sharing to whoever might still be out there reading.

Withdrawals

2009-04-22T17:19:00.000-07:00

Over the past almost two weeks I have been going through major withdrawals. Internet withdrawals to be precise. Our modem went kaput and we are having a frustrating time getting things back in order without it costing us a chunk of change that we just don't have right now. So that has been a frustrating ordeal. I have felt very cut off from the rest of the world. I won't say that's all bad because it means I've been very productive around the house. So it has it's pros and cons but I'd like my internet back now thank you very much.

This is the reason for my lack of posting and my lack of commenting. I checked my google reader for the first time in two weeks today. Even after I widdled down the number of blogs I read to a mere 50 (I'm thinking of making more cuts soon.) there were 354 posts! It's now down to 180 I'm hoping I can get to reading them all. But seeing as I still don't have any internet (except for at my parents which is where I am right now) the likelihood of that happening is becoming slimmer and slimmer.

In other news, I promised a new blog layout and here it is. I tried to go with a more simplistic one this time around. While I loved all the colors before I went with a more simple color scheme this time around. There are some things I absolutely love (ahem my header!) and others I'm not quite so sure about just yet. I'm feeling like something is just not quite right and I can't put my finger on it. Let me know what you think.

Finally, the biggest news of all. I quit my job. It was time. I know it seems like a crazy thing to do and well it probably is. But J.R. and I both feel like the Lord spoke to us in a very real way about it. We sought the advice of those we respect. In the end, it was simply not a good situation for me to be in. So I quit almost two weeks ago. The next day we discovered that one of her checks bounced and that just confirmed to us that we were doing the right thing. It was a scary thing for both of us, still is. But we know that the Lord is our provider and that He is going to take care of us as we are obedient to His will in our lives.

So the past week I spent spring cleaning the house. It was a nice feeling to get all that done. The next two weeks we are going to spend cleaning out the closets and the garage to get ready for a garage sale my parents are having. I also spent this weekend helping my parents clean out their garage. Not fun. Thankfully, I walked away with only two small boxes from that!

That's about all that's going on right now. Hopefully I can get the internet back up soon so I can post more regularly!

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
~Proverbs 3:5-7

My Husband Rocks! - Flowers

2009-04-11T18:53:00.000-07:00

I'm a day late for this but I figured that would be ok because I have a really good reason why my husband rocks. Last Friday I was feeling really stressed with the whole situation with my job and just about money in general. J.R. gets off work early on Fridays so I picked him up from work during my lunch so he could have the car the rest of the day. When he came to pick me up from work these were sitting in the front seat of the car. Just because.

And that is why my husband rocks!

Sidenote: I'm working on a new design for the blog here so stay tuned for that. Should be done in the next week.

WFW - Deuteronomy 31:8

2009-04-07T23:28:00.001-07:00

It's been quite some time since I participated in this particular meme. But I figured it was time. I laid in bed tonight trying to get some sleep and I simply couldn't. It's at that time that I know I am in need of some time with God. What better way to spend that time than in His word. This particular evening I decided to flip through some of the passages I recently highlighted. I was encouraged to say the least.

I've been pretty quiet the last few weeks. It's not that there isn't a lot going on. In fact, there is so much going on around me I find it hard to keep everything in focus. The problem is I feel as if I'm getting passed by in the momentum of those around me. It seems like things are happening so quickly for those around me yet I continue to wait here, sitting revving up my engine to go yet still stuck in neutral. The sad thing is that I've felt this way for years now. I'm anxious (in an excited way) for the things to God to come about in my life, yet I feel like I'm stuck on hold.

This has been exacerbated lately by the fact that those closest around me seem to be moving forward and at an exceeding rate mind you, only causing my own idleness to be exaggerated. My brother has moved out of my parents, changed churches and finally met the girl of his dreams. My parents are finally returning to the ministry along with a big move to Texas. I'm ecstatic for all of them. (And completely devastated that I will no longer be near my parents.) I can see God so clearly moving in their lives. And I wonder when He will move in my own.

I recently began working yet again after almost 9 months. I was excited and know that this job was God given. However, this God given job has given me nothing but grief. The woman I am working for makes ethically questionable decisions continually. Not to mention the fact she is horribly lazy, as I do everything to run these businesses and she does nothing but tell me what to do. On top of all that she doesn't pay taxes on my wages making things difficult for me. It's simply not a good situation on so many accounts and I need out. But until I can find something else I'm stuck, which seems to be theme going on here. I just don't feel like I'm able to move anywhere.

But there is one thing I do know, I am exactly where God wants me to be. I also know I will not always be where I am right now and I will eventually be able to move, which brings me to one of the verses I came across tonight that really struck a chord with me. First off, it says that the Lord will go before me. Remember that poem "Footprints?" It talks about how when the person was going through their toughest times that there are only one set of prints and the Lord responds that those were the times He carried the person. Well, this verse reminds me of that a bit. But I think it goes even further in the fact that the Lord basically is paving the way for us. We don't have to wonder which way to go or what to do, we simply have to follow Him and He will lead us in a perfect path for our lives.

This verse goes on to say that the Lord will never leave you. If that wasn't encouraging enough the scripture then commands (doesn't ask) "do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." It's been said that the Bible says "do not be afraid" in one form or another 365 times. That's a lot of times, once for every day of the year. That tells me we spend too much time worrying and being afraid if we must be reminded of this so many times. It also tells me that we need to live lives free from fear and worry.

Lately, I've been living a life full of cares and worries. Worries about what I should be doing, where I should be going. My problem has been that I have been more focused on the many questions I have when I should be focusing on the Lord. Because He's standing there telling me, don't you see the path I have for you? Just follow me and I will lead you where you need to go. So today I choose to shift gears. I may not know exactly where I'm going but my focus is going to change. I will focus on my God and my Savior. I know He has the perfect path planned for me and there is nothing else I need to concern myself with other than following Him because He goes before me. Because of that I have nothing to fear.

Driving

2009-03-26T14:54:00.000-07:00

Over the last few months I have had very little reason to drive. J.R. drives 99% of the time when we are together. As we only have one car right now it was very rare that I drove. That made the times that I actually got to drive more enjoyable. It was fun for me because I never did it. It was almost like the freedom you experience when you first get your license.

That excitement is gone. I hate driving once again. I honestly can't complain as I don't drive even half of what many in this area do, but I don't care I hate it. I drive J.R. the measly .5 miles to work. I drive myself the measly 3.96 miles to work. (Both highly unusual distances to work around here.) I drive home and back for lunch. And I drive back home. That's it. You would think it wouldn't be that bad, well it isn't. But it has squelched the brief resurgence of love for driving. It doesn't help that our car is a stick. Lots of fun when your just out. But on a daily basis? I hate it. But it was what J.R. wanted. I so can't wait to get my own car. Who knows when that will happen though. Only 16.84 miles a day and I'm done, finished, ready to hand over my license. How sad is that?

So there's my random thought for the day. :) I'm excited that the weekend is almost here!

Busyness

2009-03-25T15:48:00.000-07:00

Life has been far to chaotic lately. I have no time to do anything anymore much less write. And oh how I miss writing. The problem there is I'm so insanely busy but don't feel like there is much of anything interesting to write. *sigh*

I forgot how exhausting working is. Even though I'm not really doing anything different. I used to sit at the computer all day when I was at home, I now sit at a computer all day in someone else's home. For some reason, it's so much more different and tiring. I'm tired of being tired. But I haven't even had a whole lot of time at home lately because of aforementioned busyness. Not to mention the last thing I want to do anymore when I do have time at home is sit at a computer. So my writing has slacked off for now.

My busyness has even caused me to take drastic measures. I cut the number of blogs I read almost in half. *gasp* Yep they're gone from my reader. I didn't have much time to read and I figured I should be reading those that have held my interest rather than just scrolling through them to get them off my reader, which I've been doing because again, too busy. If you read my blog I definitely want to be reading yours though. If I haven't commented on your blog, it's probably because I don't know you're reading. Send me a comment and I'll make sure you're on my list.

Life is moving fast and a lot of changes are happening, and I foresee even more happening soon. Still waiting to catch my breath. Once I do I should be able to write more often and even actually comment. So there's my hodgepodge today with a little whining thrown in for good measure. Hope everyone has a great rest of the week.

Teachable Tuesday - Enduring Hardships

2009-03-17T13:52:00.000-07:00

My last Teachable Tuesday sparked an excellent question from BMom that I most definitely wanted to address. (Even if it came a little later than I had hoped.) Here is her question. (Hope you don't mind BMom!)

Hi Amy, like you I had a life plan and everything was going accordingly...school, marriage, home, check check check. then when we got pregnant, I thought it was again, all part of the plan. Unfortunately, I had a MC, followed by another one, and like you I've turned to God (well, i was always turning to him, but I've finally started really putting him first and reading the word). So I can completely identify with you.The only thing is, does God really want us "broken?" I think he wants us to turn to him, but I don't think he wants to harm us and have us lose our babies or lose our jobs. I believe God is a good and loving God and he would never harm us.....any thoughts?

That's an excellent question! (Sorry I'm a teacher and LOVE questions.) I believe that God is a loving God and He does want the best for us. I won't ever say that MC is necessarily God's plan or punishment in any way shape or form. I've never experienced this (thank God!) and I offer no judgments on that particular subject so I'm going to speak more in general.

First of all, I don't think that God necessarily causes bad things to happen. I think we live in an evil world and that is why bad things happen. But I also do believe that sometimes things we may see as bad, ex: losing a job, are things that God uses to teach us lessons. In our short sight, we may see certain obstacles that come our way as "bad." When in fact they turn out to be good things. For instance, a few years ago J.R. and I were looking to move out of our apartment and were just looking for a place to rent. In our search, we found a fantastic condo that was for sale. We didn't believe we would be able to buy just yet but we were talked into it by a family member. We went through the paperwork and even started packing for the big move. We were ecstatic and making big plans for our first home.

We were still a little uncertain about the whole thing as it happened so fast. We sought the counsel of others we respected and trusted. No one said this wasn't something we should be doing. We also prayed and prayed and prayed about it. This was such a big step for us. We prayed the whole time that if this wasn't what God wanted for us He needed to stop it. But it seemed like everything was smooth sailing.

A week before we were supposed to move the whole thing fell through. I was so upset with everything. Frankly, I was very mad at a certain member of the family that had put everything into motion. I blamed him. I was heartbroken about that house. However, once I calmed down I realized what happened. God did exactly what we asked of Him. We prayed the whole time that if this wasn't His will for us then He needed to do something to get us out of it. And boy did He do that. Our appraiser missed the deadline for the loan we were getting by 2 days. 2 days was all that stood between us and this fantastic house.

My initial frustration subsided when I realized that this wasn't apparently God's will for us. So we moved on. Looking back I'm so thankful that God saved us from a terrible mistake. Not only would we not have been able to afford that house in our current circumstance. That house is now worth half the price we were willing to pay just two years ago. All I can say is that God is good and protected us because we sought His will and not our own. So sometimes what may seem as a terrible thing is simply God's way of protecting us from ourselves.

However, things don't always end so nicely and pristine as the above story. Sometimes it takes a lifetime or longer for those happy endings to come about. God is a loving God and He does only want the best for us and he wants us to be our best. But sometimes that means having to go through difficulties and painful experiences. We are by nature sinful and these trials that God allows in our lives are simply His way of ridding of us of all our imperfections. He wants to create us into new and perfect beings, as He originally intended. However, the process of removing that sinful nature is painful. But He only wants what's best for us, even if it causes us some pain. It is not unlike a new parent giving their child over to receive shots. The parent knows it will be painful for the child. The parent also knows it is something the child needs even if they would do anything to avoid hurting their children.

I believe God uses these difficult situations to draw us closer to Him and perfect us. Scripture after scripture speaks about the difficulties of this life. Scripture is also very clear that choosing to follow Christ is not an easy road and is likely to bring hardship. Here are just a few.

Psalm 34:19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.

Matthew 7:13 Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. 14 Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.

Mark 8:34 When He had called the people to Himself, with His disciples also, He said to them, “Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. 35 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will save it."

Luke 14:33 whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple.

Galatians 5:24 And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Romans 6:11 Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

John 12:24 I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

After reading these verses, its a wonder that anyone would ever choose this life. But the fact is that this life here on earth is temporary. Those that choose to follow Christ may have to endure some pain in this life, but how great will our reward be in the next.

I hope I answered your question. I absolutely love answering questions so if you have any I'm more than willing to give my perspective on it. As you can see, I do my homework on it. :) I'll leave you with a (fairly long) quote from C.S. Lewis. He said all this quite a bit better than I ever could. :) (Oh and Happy St. Patrick's Day!!)

Counting The Cost, By C.S. Lewis:

"The terrible thing, the almost impossible thing, is to hand over your whole self--all your wishes and precautions--to Christ.
"Christ says 'Give me All. I don't want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I want You. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it. No half measures are any good. I don't want to cut off a branch here and a branch there, I want to have the whole tree down. I don't want to drill the tooth, or crown it, or stop it, but to have it out. Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think
wicked--the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will give you Myself: My own will shall become yours.'...
"When I was a child I often had toothache, and I knew that if I went to my mother she would give me something which would deaden the pain for that night and let me get to sleep. But I did not go to my mother--at least not till the pain became very bad. And the reason I did not go was this. I did not doubt she would give me the aspirin; but I knew she would also do something else. I could not get what I wanted out of her without getting something more, which I did not want. I wanted immediate relief from pain, but I could not get it without having my teeth set permanently
right. And I knew those dentists; I knew they started fiddling about with all sorts of other teeth which had not yet begun to ache. They would not let sleeping dogs lie. If you gave them an inch they would take a mile.
"Now, if I may put it that way, our Lord is like the dentists. If you give Him an inch, He will take a mile. Dozens of people go to Him to be cured of some one particular sin which they are ashamed of... or which is obviously spoiling daily
life (like bad temper or drunkenness). Well, He will cure it alright: but He will not stop there. That may be all you ask; but if once you call Him in, He will give you the full treatment. That is why He warned people to 'count the cost' before becoming Christians. 'Make no mistake,' He says, 'If you let me, I will make you perfect. The moment you put yourself in My hands, that is what you are in for. Nothing less or other than that.'
"'Whatever suffering it may cost you in your earthly life... whatever it cost Me, I will never rest, nor let you rest, until you are literally perfect--until my Father can say without reservation that He is well pleased with you, as He said He was well pleased with me. This I can do and will do. But I will not do anything less.'
"The goal toward which He is beginning to guide you is absolute perfection; and no
power in the whole universe, except you yourself, can prevent Him from taking you to that goal. That is what you are in for. And it is very important to realize that. If we do not, then we are very likely to start pulling back and resisting Him after a certain point. I think that many of us, when Christ has enabled us to overcome one or two sins that were an obvious nuisance, are inclined to feel (though we do not put it into words) that we are now good enough. He has done all we wanted Him to do. And we should be obliged if He would now leave us alone.
"But this is the fatal mistake... The question is not what we intended ourselves to be, but what He intended us to be when He made us....
"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you know that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of--throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself!"

The Job

2009-03-11T11:21:00.000-07:00

This past week and a half have been so incredibly busy I barely feel like I've been able to catch my breath. I want to get it all down just for my own purposes so today the job.

After almost 9 months without a job, I'm finally working again. Thursday two weeks ago I signed up with a temp agency as I was looking through a mass amount of job listings. I was surprised when that afternoon they called me. The lady told me that she was sending me some tests for both office and warehouse work. She told me I could take either or both but that office jobs were difficult to come by. Saturday while J.R. was out and about I took the office tests. Monday I was shocked to get a call from this temp agency. This same lady told me my scores were fantastic and she might possibly have a job for me starting the next day and she would be calling me later in the day. A few hours later she called and I had a job.

I have to say my working situation is a bit unusual. As I write this I am sitting in my boss's bedroom as I watch 4 and 5 year olds play in the backyard. The lady I work for runs a daycare out of her home and her office is in her bedroom (for now at least). The daycare itself is separated from the rest of the house, which is nice and makes my life easier and quieter. She is in the process of beginning a daycare insurance company. My job? I was brought in to input every single daycare in California into her database. It's over 1,000 pages long and that's only the first part. It's extremely boring. But it pays and I'm extremely thankful.

A few days into working for this woman (who might I say is very rarely ever home and I am usually here by myself, excluding the daycare, I didn't see her all day Friday) I figured out she is quite incompetent when it comes to computers. She didn't realize that all this work I'm doing could be cut from a two month job to a 2 day job simply by importing the list into her database. Needless to say, she is extremely impressed with my slightly above average computer skills.

Initially, I was a little nervous about talking myself out of a longer term job. But I knew I had to do what was right and let her know that this job could be done quite a bit more quickly than she originally thought. She was obviously extremely pleased. I'm currently working on the database and should be done with it today. But my job is thankfully not over quite yet. She has discovered quite a few more uses for me. In time I can see that I will more than likely be running both businesses for her as she finishes her internship. (She seriously has far too many things going. She rarely knows which way she's going.)

She asked me yesterday how long she has me for. I told her as long as she needs me. I told her I'm not looking for any other job except a teaching job and that wouldn't start until August. It's nice to be working again. Oh yeah, her house is also less than 10 minutes from mine. Fantastic! No commute.

Hi Ho Hi Ho . . .

2009-03-09T08:25:00.000-07:00

This past week was an insanely busy week. I admit I'm exhausted and in need of a good amount of rest. We were definitely on the go as J.R. and I were only home one night all week. That in and of itself is exhausting. But combine that with my reintroduction into the work force and I'm out.

Oh yeah, didn't you hear? I'm working again. Woo Hoo!!! It's just a temp job but I'll take what I can get. It's money and I'm happy for that. Well, I'm off. I have to finish getting ready and run out the door to get to work. I've got a ton of posts rambling around in my head. Hopefully, I'll have some time to actually get to them this week. One thing is for sure, when it rains it pours. And right now it seems like a torrential downpour going on in my life.

Teachable Tuesday - Die to Self

2009-03-03T20:00:00.000-08:00

I started this idea a few months ago and have been on a bit of a hiatus. It began with my desire to never stop learning. I want to continually be growing in every area of my life. And because I am at heart, if not in position, a teacher I have a great desire and need to share the things I learn. So this is my outlet.

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
Galatians 2:20

A few years ago if you had asked me what this verse meant I would have been able to give an incredibly wonderful textbook answer as to why we are called to die to ourselves. I would have explained that we are by nature sinful and because of this sinful nature we have to die to ourselves and our sinful nature in order to restore us to a right relationship with the one true God. This is all truth. However, what I am now beginning to understand is that this death to ourselves continues even after we accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior of our soul and repent of our sinful ways. No, it goes much deeper than that.

It has been 3 years that J.R. and I have been TTC. That number in and of itself amazes me. I am amazed by the journey we have been on. A few months ago I was reading a blog and the woman compared her journey of TTC with that of a hike she took. (Sorry, I can't remember who it was, if it is you or you know who it was, please let me know so I can link up.) She stated that a bit into the hike she became tired and didn't want to go on. She eventually decided to move forward not knowing how long the journey would be or where it would take her. This is such a fantastic metaphor for those who have spent some time TTC. Actually, this metaphor is great for just about any difficult journey we must endure in life.

If you would have told me that I would be sitting here 3 years later with my arms still empty I don't know that I would have had the strength to continue on. I am only able to move forward because I have hope in the promises of God that one day J.R. and I will conceive.

While I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone, it has been exhausting and painful to say the least, I also wouldn't trade it for anything. The reason being, I have learned so much through this journey that have made all that pain and suffering worth it, not unlike how the pain and suffering of labor are well worth the gift of a child.

One thing I have learned throughout this experience is dying to myself. There have been many cycles when I have felt as if I just wanted to die. I questioned God. I couldn't understand why He would place such a strong desire within me to have children and not only that but specifically promise me time after time that He would bless me with children, only to have my hopes dashed month after month. I literally wanted to die. I felt if I could not fulfill this purpose I was better off dead. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't suicidal. I simply couldn't see the point in going on with life. I didn't feel as if I had a reason to live.

I now see the purpose in God allowing me to get to this point of desperation. I was living my life for me and my wants and desires. I was not unlike a spoiled child pouting and throwing a fit when I didn't get my way. I had a nice little plan for my life and it was all working like clockwork. My BA, my MA, my marriage, my job. Everything was going according to my plans. Then God stepped in to get my attention.

And get my attention He did. I died to all my plans. They are out the window. Yes, I occasionally still think about the what ifs. However, they are mere shadows of the former glory of my grandiose plans. I am completely and utterly a broken woman. I believe losing my job was the clincher here. That was the one thing I could still control. Once that was out the door I was a goner. I have died to my wants, desires and plans. I am completely helpless and my only hope is to call upon a loving and merciful God who has me right where He wants me, broken and seeking Him.

It is only then, when I have truly died to myself, that His will can be done perfectly in my life. And what a wonderful place in which to be. When the Creator of the universe, the magnificent and almighty Lord of lords and King of kings who is omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent is planning your life. At that point your greatest conceived plans are but mere dust. That is just exciting.

So the next time you express a desire for God's will in your life, be careful. Because you will probably have a difficult and possibly painful journey ahead of you as the Lord strips you of your own plans and desires and replaces them with His own. But also know that there is no greater place to be than in the middle of God's will for you life. After all, He does know far better than you how your life should unfold. He has a perfect plan and will for each individual. The question is whether or not we are willing to give Him control of our lives. It's scary but so worth it in the end.

Over the next week or two I'll be discussing further the will of God and how to pursue that in your own life. I know this is such a big topic among Christians and it can often be confusing. So I'll be here to share what I've learned.

What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.
Philippians 3:8 (NIV)

**Opps! Meant to post this yesterday morning but forgot to change the PM to AM oh well.**

Sunday

2009-03-02T13:04:00.000-08:00

Sunday I awoke not at all tired or groggy. Sunday mornings are typically the worst for me as they are the only days I HAVE to get up at certain time. But I woke up rested and ready to go. Sunday mornings are typically stressful and hectic, as J.R. and race around trying to get ready so we can get to church on time. We are typically running late. That's a bad thing. Especially when I am in charge of running media every other Sunday. I can't tell you how many times I have had to do my make-up in the car, have J.R. drop me off at the front door as I run through the lobby and up the stairs hoping and praying they don't start the first song until I'm ready at the computer. It's terrible and highly stressful. But it seems no matter what we do this is the state we find ourselves in week after week.

Yesterday morning was different. I was well rested. I was able to get ready without having to rush and we were out the door on time. We got to church and I even had to wait around for a few minutes before the service started. Such a nice feeling. God certainly blesses you when you are obedient.

We later met my parents for lunch and I received a nice surprise. My mom was on the phone as we sat down and she put the phone to my ear and told me to say hello. I did and I was greeted with "Hi brat." I was a bit flabbergasted at first thinking, "who is calling me a brat?" I asked why I was a brat and immediately I knew who I was talking to. It was my older "brother" who I haven't spoken to in I can't remember when and I haven't seen in about 8 years. He responded that he called me that because that's what he always called me. I replied, "Yeah when I was 11." He started to ask me how old I was then stopped himself and said, "Never mind I don't want to know." I volunteered the information anyway saying I was 28. He huffed at me and said that I couldn't be 28 since he wasn't even 28. "Yeah right," I thought. He's almost 40.

He apparently was visiting his mom in Albuquerque and had driven by our old house and stopped to call my mom. The strange thing is just the night before I had the inclination to look up our old house on goo.gle. They took out the front lawn and put in rocks. I hate it.

It was so nice to get to talk to him for even a minute. It made me realize how much I miss him. Growing up my parents were youth pastors and while we were living in Albuquerque a few of the guys adopted us and we them. They were my brothers. They practically lived with us. We had so much fun together. We've kept in contact with them all these years but we rarely get to see them which I hate.

That evening J.R. had his first hockey game back with his old team. He was really excited about it and he did a really great job. On our way home we stopped and had dinner together. Most of the time when we eat out its at some fast food place. It was nice to stop and have dinner at a sit down place even if it was only IHOP. It was something that I'd been wanting to do for a while and it was nice to just stop and enjoy each others company. We are always so busy running around doing this and that.

On the way home I realized how happy I was. I was completely content and full of joy. I felt like I was about to burst and I just soaked it in as we drove home. Those moments are too few. Yesterday was definitely a good day.
Be glad in the LORD and rejoice, you righteous;And shout for joy, all you upright in heart!
Psalm 32:11

**I may have a job starting tomorrow!! I'll have more details later if it all pans out.**

Sleepless Night

2009-03-01T01:28:00.000-08:00

I almost hesitate to share this here as it is pretty personal and close to my heart right now. But I feel the need to share where some posts to follow in the near future are coming from. So in an effort to make myself be a little more open I will share what I've been writing this evening.

Recently the Lord has been downloading things into my spirit. Unfortunately, many of them have been forgotten because I am too lazy to write them down. The thing is the Lord tends to keep me awake when I so desperately just want to sleep. I will lie in bed with my head swimming with the truths He is revealing to me.

Yet, I lay there hoping I can remember it the next day just so I can get some sleep. Not very bright of me, or obedient for that matter. During these times I can feel the Spirit tugging on the strings of my heart to come and spend time with Him while He reveals these things to me.

But my flesh and spirit war within myself and typically when sleep is involved my flesh will win. I can sense the longing of the Spirit to spend time with me and I know full well that if I simply obey and get up I will awake refreshed and rested the next day no matter what time I eventually am able to close my eyes in sweet rest.

But no more. My heart aches within me to spend time with my Lord and Savior of my soul. So tonight I write. I will no longer be disobedient and miss out on what the Lord would say to me.

So in the next few days I'll be getting those posts together. I've been getting a lot. I wrote a full 4 pages this evening and there's more where that came from. But I finally feel released to get some rest and so I will do that. Oh and B Mom if you're still out there, part of what I'm getting directly answers the question you asked me so long ago. So I'm FINALLY getting around to answering you.

Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my
gates, waiting at the posts of my doors.
~Proverbs 8:34

Tour of California - Part 2

2009-02-25T13:46:00.000-08:00

Well, I promised this a few days ago and here it finally is. The second installment of last weekend. Wow I'm a slacker. Sunday morning I woke up and found this on my breakfast plate to commemorate the day. J.R. is getting really creative with his pancakes. I'm not sure how he did this.

We headed out to my parents and the four of us made our way down to Escondido. We made it just in time for the start of the race and were thankfully able to get a pretty good parking spot. Unfortunately, we weren't able to see a whole lot. But it was nice to get to experience what the beginning of the race is like. Although about the only thing we saw was a mob of bikes here one second gone the next.

Start of Stage 8

After the race was off, we headed over to the car and drove to see them fly by yet again in another spot in the race. We were able to get pretty good positions to see everything. We actually got to see them come down a hill which was a lot of fun because they are so much faster.

Lead Motorcycle (you can see some riders behind)

We grabbed some lunch, then made our way to the end of the race to stake our spots. We found a good spot along the curb and ironically right in front of the 300 meter sign yet again. This time was much better because we were able to see the footage of the race while we sat there.

While we were waiting, my mom, J.R. and I decided to go through the booths again hoping a lot of stuff would be on sale because it was the last day of the race. We weren't disappointed. We picked up a few shirts. Then we were walking by one booth that is a patient advocacy group and my mom spotted a really cool shirt. She asked how much the shirts were and the man told us they were free to cancer survivors. We all perked up and said well, J.R. here happens to be one. My mom was disappointed she couldn't get one for my dad but was glad J.R. got one and for free to boot. We also got to see Lance's bike. It had been stolen at the beginning of the race. Seriously, you really think you can get away with that, like there's any other bike in the world like it? Stupid.

As we made our way back to our seats we decided to make a quick pit stop at the restroom, which were just port-o-potties. Then it happened. As I was getting myself ready to leave the little stall, I heard something fall. For a split second I couldn't image what could have fallen. I looked around the floor and there was nothing there. Then I saw it, my phone. It was in the port-o-potty. I stood there thinking for a split second, thinking "crap what am I gonna do now." I couldn't just leave it there. So I reached in and got it, trying not to think about how disgusting this whole predicament was. Thankfully it wasn't ALL the way in the . . . well you get it. So I didn't have to put my whole hand in everything.

I walked out with the phone between two fingers. My mom and J.R. started asking what happened. I just looked at them and said, "What do you think happened?" They both started expressing how grossed out they were. My mom even said she would have just left it, while I rinsed it off and wrapped it but good in a million paper towels. Thankfully, I was already planning on getting a new phone and had even gotten all my numbers down, though for the life of me I can't find that list.

We got back to our seats, minus a phone, and waited for the race to end. Thankfully, this is what we were able to see while we were waiting.

The longer we waited the bigger the crowd around us became. I am so glad we had our chairs there otherwise we would have been squished. I'm sure the people behind us didn't appreciate the chairs, but I don't really care. We waited there for a couple of hours. Then we got to see this.

This was really such a fun experience for all of us. It made us want to go to The Tour even more. (FYI racing fans refer to the Tour de France as The Tour.) Hopefully someday. I am really amazed by this sport. Not simply by the mere athleticism it takes to accomplish something like this but more specifically the team work it takes. It's unlike any other sport of which I'm aware. The entire team works so that one man on that team wins.

The team doesn't get anything, though cycling etiquette (Yes, cycling does have etiquette and if riders don't follow it they are looked down upon greatly by the fans.) requires the winner to share his earnings with his team. However, the rest of the team gets none of the glory for the win. It's really an amazing sport. And we all had an amazing time at the race. It was actually pretty fun having to track down the riders and race off to the next spot. By the way, Levi Leipheimer did end up winning the race. He later said he is going to happily support Lance in The Tour as Lance supported him during this race. Very cool.

Tour of California - Part 1

2009-02-24T11:42:00.000-08:00

This weekend was quite unexpected. But before I talk about my weekend, a little background. Ever since I can remember my Dad has been a cycling fan. I can remember when I was very little him watching Greg Lemond race in the Tour de France. This was a yearly event in our house before the majority of the US even knew what it was. My parents remember watching Lance ride before cancer. Then I met J.R. and like many other things in our family, J.R. got suckered into it as well. It wasn't too difficult for him as he is also a cancer survivor.

A few weeks ago J.R. discovered that the Tour of California was going to be near. Especially since Lance is riding again he wanted to go. I wasn't quite as enthusiastic as he was about the whole thing. I almost opted out until I found out my mom was coming along. I figured at least I could spend some time with her while we went.

So Saturday the four of us (my mom and dad, J.R. and I) headed out to Pasadena, the Rose Bowl more specifically. We found a place along the fence and set up camp. My dad, J.R. and I decided to wander around all the tents as we had a bit of time to spare. We got back and we waited until we could see them all ride by. We didn't have to wait too long as a whoosh of bikes flew by. It was incredible how fast they went. If you blinked you would miss it. A few minutes later there was another whoosh as the Peloton* flew by. As they did the crowd around us (and believe me there was a pretty big crowd lined up) cheered and rang cowbells as they raced by.

We were actually pretty spoiled as they had to race around the Rose Bowl 5 times before the end of the race, which was just 300 meters from where we were standing. We were able to see them fly by a total of 6 times, highly unusual for a race. By the end of the race all hesitance of coming to the race was gone. I had a blast. We all did.

After the race, my mom and I headed over to Lance's team bus, which wasn't far from where we were sitting. I don't know if that was just crazy, stupid or a bit of both. There was a huge crowd surrounding this bus. We actually saw him just as he walked on the bus. We stood there and waited for a bit. I'm not sure what the point was because my mom and I are pretty short and even with her arm raised all the way up the only pictures she was catching were of people's heads and arms. As time passed more and more people crowded around and the throng of people started to push forward. It was a little scary. Then he came out and started to sign autographs.

Try as she might there was no way my mom was getting a picture from her vantage point. For heaven sake, the only thing I could see were the people around me. We stood there for a few minutes, we couldn't have moved if we really wanted to honestly. There was one man standing next to my mom who was a giant of a man. He must have been at least two heads taller than my mom. So my mom finally asked him if he was able to see and if he had gotten any pictures. He said he had, so my mom asked him if he would take some pictures for us. He was nice enough to do so and got some pretty good shots.

The pictures my mom was getting.

The actual picture.

Then it was time to go. However, there's a small problem with that as there were at least a hundred people behind us pushing forward. There was no where to move. Thankfully, a lady next to us decided to leave the same time we did and we followed her as we pushed through the wall of people. It was madness!

We finally found my Dad. But J.R. was no where in sight. He was lost in the crowd of people trying to see Lance. After waiting a few minutes, J.R. finally came walking towards us with a big grin on his face. Apparently, he was able to push his way to the front by playing the old cancer card. He got his shirt signed and even spoke with Lance very briefly. It made his day as I know J.R. is a pretty big fan for obvious reasons. It also made my day as I knew this was something that J.R. really wanted.

We all left excited and wanting more. We talked about going to the final stage in Escondido the next day. But we just left it as talk because we had church the next morning. We actually even said we were willing to ditch church for the day, but we had a meeting we had to attend after church. So we left it at that.

10:00 that night, J.R. received a call from my Dad. He and my mom decided to drive down to Escondido Sunday morning to watch the end of the race. We were definitely in for that.

Tomorrow I'll finish up our fun filled weekend. Until then here are some pictures from that day.

Team Astana (Lance's Team)

The guy in yellow at the back is Levi Leipheimer the race leader.

Team Astana leading the Peloton

Pushing hard on the last 300 meters.

The Peloton

(*For those of you that have no clue about cycling, the Peloton is what they call the main group of riders.)

My Husband Rocks! - Pancakes and Tubs

2009-02-20T11:30:00.000-08:00

Hello? Anyone still there? Wow it's been a while since my last post. So much so that this past week J.R. asked me if I was ever going to post again. Whoops! :) To be honest I've been busy with other things and well haven't had a whole lot to say. Hopefully that will change because I do miss writing. I've just got to get back into the swing of things.

I did want to write what my wonderful husband did for me last Saturday and thus one of the two reasons why he rocks this week. Every Saturday J.R. makes me breakfast. He's gotten pretty good at it and is also pretty creative. This Saturday happened to be Valentines (in case you were completely unaware). This is what he brought up to me that morning. He is so sweet.

The second reason why my husband rocks this week? Last week sometime I casually mentioned to him that it had been a long time since I had taken a bath and I was wanting to. The problem is the only tub in our house is in the spare bathroom. The problem is our cats. They seem to be the only cats ever to enjoy playing in water. So rather than having to continually mop up their mess when they do, we just put their water in the tub. Saves us a lot of hassle. The problem is they tend to get the tub pretty dirty after a while. It was so bad that even after a good cleaning there were still spots in the tub. Not the most inviting place to take a bath.

I came home Friday from a day out with my mom to find that J.R. had scrubbed down the tub and it was all sparkly and white. He mentioned that he wished I would have gotten home sooner so I could have taken that bath I had asked for. I was stunned because I barely remembered mentioning wanting to take a bath. So that's why my husband rocks this week.

New Years Eve

2009-01-30T11:21:00.001-08:00

So this post is really late in coming but that seems to be my theme this month. Hopefully, next month will be a little better in getting things up in a more timely fashion. :) For years my family has had season passes to SeaWorld. Since J.R. and I have been married that hasn't changed for us. We don't go as often as we would like. But we still love going down there. San Diego is probably our favorite place to go. We wish we could live down there someday.

This year for New Years we decided to spend the day at SeaWorld. The first part of our day ended up being quite an adventure. First, we didn't get down to San Diego as soon as we would have liked. But we finally got there, parked the car and were ready to go inside. Then it happened. I took one step outside of the car and my sandal broke. Completely broken, no way to repair it. I definitely wasn't able to walk on it as the strap had fallen off on one side. So we got back in the car and drove around trying to find a store to buy some shoes for me.

We drove down just a little bit and J.R. saw a sign that said "SHOES!" So we pulled in and I hobbled in only to find that they only sold men's shoes. Thankfully, the lady working there told us about another store just down the street. Great! We drove to this store and saying it was a madhouse would be an understatement. Well, I searched and searched and couldn't find anything I really liked. I have to be a little picky about my shoes because if I don't get really comfortable shoes my feet start to hurt and well I'm not the most pleasant person when my feet hurt.

So we were looking for a certain cheap shoe store that seem to be everywhere but we couldn't think of where one was. We went out to the car and low and behold, we had driven by one as we drove through the parking lot. J.R. and I looked at each other and asked how we had missed that one. I eventually found some cute sandals that are oh so comfortable and we were on our way again.

We ended up having a really nice day just relaxing. We saw a couple of shows but that's not really a big thing for us. Because when you've been going for years, those shows don't change much. So they get a little boring after so many times. The park closed at 9. We went to my parents, as it's on the way back to our house. (And we borrowed their camera.) But we were all so tired. J.R. and I were home and in bed by 11:30. I didn't see the new year come. But that was alright with me as I had a nice day.

So here are some pictures from our trip that day.

Commerson's Dolphins

J.R.'s favorite

Apparently it was just about feeding time. :)

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man.
~Benjamin Franklin

Colorado Part 2

2009-01-29T12:52:00.000-08:00

I finally have some pictures from my trip to Colorado. They have taken me forever to load but it's done. Warning: there are a ton of pictures here. But I wanted to get them all out. Not to mention I'm posting this on my other site for family and friends that I'm sure don't mind seeing the mass amount of pictures. Oh yeah and don't mind the horrible pictures of me. None of them came out too well. Not sure why. Oh well. Tomorrow I'll get on my post for New Years Eve. Hey, I'm within my month limit. Then hopefully I can get back to my usual posting.

12/26/08

Driving through Utah

Scary snow storm

12/28/08

Exhausted from the traveling

Trip to Grand Mesa

(30 minutes from my grandparents)

My mom and I had to climb over this thing to get to the restroom (which was actually really clean). It was a little scary. I'm surprised neither of us ate it.
You can see the top of my mom's head in this picture.

Sun going down. It was getting COLD.

The high was 26 while we were up there.

My dad

He's not looking too well.

As soon as we got down

the mountain he threw up.

Eww. Poor guy.

J.R. being silly.

My brother

(he did not want his picture taken)

I was kind to my family and put the picture that they all looked good in. I don't know what was going on with my eyes.
My uncle, aunt and cousin.

The grandparents and kids.

My mom and her siblings.

The grandkids

My grandparents in their chairs.

Don't mind my grandpa nose. He fell.

So that was our trip. As I said before, we had a really nice time with family that we hadn't seen in years (some almost a couple of decades!!) We have vowed to keep in better contact.

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.
~Desmond Tutu

A New Year

2009-01-21T11:42:00.000-08:00

I've been pretty quiet when it comes to this blog lately. Frankly, not a whole lot has been going on. We've been keeping busy with friends and family. I also wanted to post my pictures of Colorado and even possibly of our new years before I got back into the swing of writing. Hopefully, I'll get that done this week. I figure if it's within a month of it happening I'm still good.

My weight loss isn't happening as quickly as I hoped. I'm hoping that by increasing my calorie intake I'll start to lose more. I've been working out on the Wii Fit pretty much every day for at least 30 minutes, if not more. I'm proud of myself there. I've also lost 2 inches in my hips which is fantastic. I'd much rather be losing inches than the pounds. So I'm still moving along there.

On to the real topic that has been on my heart and mind for a few weeks now. I have to say I am very thankful for a fresh new year. Last year wasn't quite the greatest for me, so my hopes for this year are up. I wouldn't take away last year because I learned a lot. Actually, I was able to finally learn some lessons that I had been going through for quite some time. It's always nice when you finally just get it. It doesn't make that time spent learning the lesson any easier but it makes it worth the struggle. But I am definitely thankful that last year is over and done.

The first service of the year, during prayer, our pastor told us because it was a new year to let our requests be made known to God. Basically, to simply ask of God what we want for the new year. I sat there contemplating what I should ask of God. There is a long list of things that I want. Who doesn't have a long list of things they want in their lives? And no I'm not talking material things either.

However, as I sat there thinking about all the things I do want, I realized that none of that really matter. Yes, I want children. Yes, I want a house of my own. Yes, I want a job. Yes, I want this that and the other thing. But none of it matters. I realized that the real desire of my heart was for God's will for my life. That is a great yet scary thing. Because that means giving up all control. And let's face it I'm a bit of a control freak. I've lessened in that area quite a bit. But I'm finally getting to the point where I'm willing to give everything. It's coming slowly but I'm moving along that is for sure. The greatest desire of my heart is becoming to simply be in the presence of my God and to do His will, whatever that may be. I'm still trying to figure out what He wants from me. But I know as I seek Him, He will begin to reveal His plan for me. That's an exciting thing.

The wonderful, yet frustrating, thing about all this. When J.R. and I were at home group a couple weeks ago, P went around the room asking everyone what they were wanting for this new year as a family. I began to tell about my experience above. J.R. chimed in and said, "well, I didn't tell you, but I was feeling the same thing." I glared at him and said, "that's why you need to talk to me." Ok so I'm as guilty for not telling him. But I was still frustrated because he tends to not share that sort of thing with me. So while we aren't quite sure what is in store for us this year, our desire is to follow the will of the Lord. What greater adventure could we embark upon?

I [the Lord] will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I
will counsel you with My eye upon you.
Psalm 32:8 (Amplified Bible)

My Husband Rocks! - Texting

2009-01-16T12:51:00.000-08:00

I really need to start posting more often so my posts aren't little novels each time. Anyway. I'll make this one a quick one. Hopefully I'll actually get around to posting those pics from Colorado soon.

This week my husband rocks because of the way he shows he loves me. This week he texted me saying, "Just wanted to say I love you more than you can imagine." So sweet. I asked what brought that on. He said, "Nothing, just love you." Yes, I have an incredible husband.

In other quick news, we are praising God for his amazing provision. J.R. received a dollar raise this week. It will go a long way in helping us out and we are so thankful. God is really a tremendous provider.

Also, I've joined the bandwagon and started using Twitter. We'll see if I actually keep up with the thing. My updates are posted on the left.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
~Mignon McLaughlin

A Great Weekend

2009-01-13T10:40:00.001-08:00

Before I get back to my wonderful trip to Colorado (and yes I finally have some pics!!) I wanted to talk about my wonderful weekend. Friday, my mom picked me up and we grabbed a quick bite to eat before heading to the movies. We ended up seeing Bride Wars. It was really cute and we both enjoyed. After we went back to my house where we found J.R. and our friend T bowling. So my mom joined us for a couple of games. My mom is really too good at this game. She beats us all almost every time. It's crazy.

Friday night we had our home group. I can't remember if I've talked about this much here but this is one thing J.R. and I are involved with that we basically endure. The couple that leads are very nice but frankly we don't really get much from their teaching. So we go more to gain fellowship and the ever wonderful obligation, considering we are supposed to be the assistant leaders of the group, whatever that means. The evening started out a bit rough as we got the times mixed up. Then it got considerably worse when we went to the store to pick up some soda for the evening and discovered we only had 61 cents in the bank. Fantastic. I sat in the car and tried to calm myself down before going inside. I was upset. I'm just so tired of this whole thing.

I managed to calm myself down and we managed to have a good time. They are trying some new things for the new year and the teaching actually wasn't all that bad. I have more to say about what was said that night but I'll leave that for another day. We brought our Wii over so after we played for a while. It was a nice evening.

Saturday J.R.'s mom was coming back from her brother's cabin in the mountains and actually stopped to have lunch with us. We were pretty amazed as she feels that we live too far and rarely comes out to see us. Most of the time she even refuses to get off the freeway and stop and see us as she drives home from her trips to the cabin. I don't get her logic but whatever. So we had a nice lunch.

Then we met my family to spend the rest of the day with them as it was my mom's birthday. We saw The Day The Earth Stood Still. It was ok. It was pretty slow and not a lot of action. We then went to my parents where we had pizza and played Wii. My mom enjoyed her day and I have to say so did I. I'm really so very proud of her. After she lost her job last year she felt like God was telling her to move in a different direction as far as the type of work she was supposed to do. She considered a few things but she kept thinking about how much she loved being a pharmacist assistant before I was born. So she looked into doing that again. Well, these days you have to be certified in order to do that. She was very timid about going back to school but I encouraged her that she would do fine. Well, she's doing more than fine. She could have finished her first class in less than a week. She actually had to slow herself down so she could get her next set of books ordered. So I'm really proud of her. And I'm happy to see how excited she is about the possibilities there are for her.

Sunday was church. I always enjoy church more when I'm not having to do the overhead. So that was nice. Sunday afternoon we went to my parents for lunch. Then J.R. got a text from his mom telling him she would buy the Wii Fit for us! We were so excited so we ran right out and got one. We spent the rest of the day playing with that. It's so much fun! I'm hoping it will really help me in getting this extra weight off. So that was exciting. I love this little machine. It's really changed our lives. We rarely watch any tv any more. We are so much more active. J.R. has already lost 5 pounds just by doing that and nothing else. We also spend a lot more time together as a family. Usually, when we are at my parents we are all in separate rooms doing our own things. Lately, we are all together playing games. It's fantastic and probably the greatest advantage of having this thing. My mom is obsessive about trying to find one for herself.

Last night we took the whole system over to our friends T and M. We had a lot of fun playing once again. I told J.R.'s mom that if nothing else this stupid thing has made J.R. and I a lot more popular. ; )

By the way, I could use your prayers. A little less than a year I was having heart problems. My heart seemed to be skipping a beat. I learned it wasn't really skipping a beat. It was more along the lines of a delayed beat. It's not very fun. Well, of course as soon as they began testing me for it, it went away and I was fine. The last few days it has reared its ugly head again. My heart has been doing this more and more frequently. I'm not sure why and I don't like it one bit. So if you could pray for me on this I'd really appreciate it. Thanks!

Oh and I'll leave you with a picture of a cake my mom and I did a couple weeks ago! (And yes we made those flowers!)

Trip to Colorado

2009-01-09T17:41:00.000-08:00

The day after Christmas I was woken up at the abysmal hour of 3am, after having gone to bed at 12pm. That's never a good thing. I rolled back over for another 30 minutes but then it was time to actually get up, in the dark, with no sight of sunrise in the near future. Blah. Thankfully, I had almost everything all ready to go before I went to bed. J.R. and I got ready and were waiting to walk out the door at 4:00 when we had promised.

Then we got a call from my dad. He overslept and they were running late. If you know my dad you know how incredibly unlike him this is. He is always the one to get the whole house up. He is definitely a morning person, unlike anyone else in my family (except J.R.) So J.R. and I were left to sit around and wait for my family to show up. They actually made it to our house pretty quickly considering how late they woke up.

We loaded up the church's minivan (which wasn't an easy task considering there were five adults in the vehicle and very little storage room) and we were off. J.R. made breakfast burritos for everyone which we ate as soon as we were on the road and said a quick prayer for safe travels. Almost immediately after eating, my brother, G was out. J.R. and I shared the back bench which gave us a little more room but don't kid yourself it was anything but comfortable. J.R. tried to nap and I think he dozed off a little. I unfortunately was wide awake and couldn't get back to sleep. I borrowed G's brand new ipod and had my own little worship service in the back seat. It was really nice actually. I don't think anyone in the entire van knew what I was up to but I had a little meeting with God as we drove up the 15. It was very refreshing.

Our first stop was Vegas (don't worry I'm not going to talk about every little stop) where we had some breakfast. Ok I know I already said we had breakfast on our way out. But lets get real that was 3 1/2 hours before and we were all a little hungry. I think after that stop I was able to get a little rest but pretty sure I still hadn't slept. The windows were pretty fogged over and it was difficult to see out. The next thing I knew I wiped off the window and I was in a winter wonderland. It was pretty crazy and oh so pretty.

Our journey slowed to a crawl once we got to Utah as we met up with a snow storm. It was pretty scary and we took it nice and easy. When we stopped for lunch it stopped snowing which was nice but my mom was able to get us trapped in a parking lot for a brief minute when she was turning around. It was a pretty funny sight. I wasn't sure we were going to make it out of there. As we stopped for lunch we received quite a few strange looks from the locals. They could definitely tell we weren't from around there. As we were leaving lunch someone else was in the same predicament that we had just been in. However, they needed a big push from a few guys to get themselves out of the parking lot. We made sure we took the longer way around to avoid the same fate. Wow we just aren't used to driving in this stuff at all. Life is considerably different when you have to consider the snow.

Then as many other travelers that day our windshield fluid line froze. My dad was having to stop every so often and throw snow at the windshield to clean it off. So far you can see this trip was quite the adventure. We made one final stop before we made it into Colorado. I had become fairly car sick. Thankfully, I hadn't thrown up but I was feeling rather nauseous. That is when my mom took over the driving and I was her navigator. Typically, a navigators job is to sit there and not do a whole lot.

That night the job was a little more involved. We hit that same snow storm yet again on our way into Colorado. It was pretty crazy as you couldn't see the lines in the road. My mom took it nice and easy but I was having to constantly help her see the lines and direct her driving. As we were driving through the storm I teasingly told my mom, "Light speed ahead!" The snow was coming at the screen and it really looked like the movies whenever a spaceship begins moving light speed. It was pretty funny. But you probably had to be there for that one. ; )

As soon as we hit the outskirts of my grandparents little town the snow all but died. We made it safely! We checked into our hotel around 7:30. The entire trip took us about 14 hours! Ugh! Imagine with me for a moment being stuffed in the back seat of a minivan for 14 hours. Not a fun thought is it? But we made it.

We learned later the night before they had sent my grandfather home after they drained his lungs of fluid and his heart rate was normal. So we were thankful that we weren't going to have to visit him in the hospital. Funny story. The doctors were trying to give him an oxygen tank to carry around with him. He kept refusing saying he didn't want to get addicted to it. I almost fell out of my seat when I heard that one. We all promised we wouldn't say anything to him about it as we didn't want to make him feel bad. But amongst ourselves, well, that was free reign. The comments about trying to kick our oxygen habits were let loose.

We arrived at my grandparents and they still had no idea we were coming. My uncle, his wife and daughter had arrived a few days before as a surprise. My grandparents kept asking him when my mom and aunt were coming. He kept telling them he was there and that was it. Well, then my aunt showed up earlier that day. So they were asking where we were. They told my grandparents that we were shopping, which wasn't exactly a lie. :) We walked in the house and my grandpa was sitting in his old recliner he's been sitting in since I was a little girl. The first words out of his mouth were, "I have a family full of liars!" It was really great to see him and everyone else for that matter. I could tell it really meant a lot to him and gave him quite the pick me up.

So that was our long and treacherous trip to Colorado. I'll be back later with more details of the trip and hopefully some pictures. I've been waiting on pictures for quite some time now.

Travel and change of place impart new vigor to the mind.
~Seneca

Christmas

2009-01-08T15:40:00.001-08:00

Since Christmas was two weeks ago today I figured it was finally time to actually talk about my Christmas. Yes I know a bit late but things have been crazy busy around here. I'm at least proud that my Christmas design is now gone on my site. : ( Oh well. It was pretty while it lasted. I can't say the same for the decorations in my house. I have a hard time taking them down as I love them so. They are up the day after Thanksgiving and then I stall, stall, stall to take them down after the holidays. It was almost February when I took them down last year. Shameful.

We had a very nice Christmas this year. Nothing too much out of the ordinary. We always spend Christmas Eve with J.R.'s mom. His aunt usually joins us as well. This year they were both too lazy to go out to dinner so we ordered Chinese. I wasn't too upset as it was from my favorite Chinese place. It's actually pretty healthy compared to most Chinese places which is saying something. It's a small hole in the wall place that is ALWAYS packed. It's fantastic and they are extremely quick with their waiters and waitresses almost running around the tiny little restaurant.

Anyway. We made sure we opened presents before J.R.'s aunt arrived. I was excited to get a dvd, Prince Caspian. I absolutely love these books and the movies that have recently been done are very true to the story so I love them too. Then I was surprised to find that J.R.'s mom got us a Wii. (Part of the reason I haven't posted since.) It is so fantastic!! I love this thing. J.R. and I have wanted one since we played at his aunt's house over a year ago. J.R.'s mom is always quick to pay for anything that will keep J.R. and I moving so she loved getting it for us and is already talking about buying us the Wii Fit, which would be so incredibly amazing! We obviously spent the rest of the evening playing Wii and had a really great time.

Christmas morning J.R. and I headed over to my parents where we had cinnamon rolls. Yumm! Then we opened presents. I got some nice warm socks and gloves from my parents (along with the wonderful hair cut I already got!) They also got me a nice new devotional. J.R. got me another dvd, The Bourne Ultimatum, to finish out the set. He also surprised me big time when he gave me this necklace. (Except mine is in all white gold.) I absolutely love it!

Before and after dinner were spent playing the Wii. Neither of my parents had ever played and they are now hooked, especially my mom who never plays video games. In fact, my mom wants one of her own now. We told her we would bring it over whenever she wanted. She said, "Ok, everyday then." : ) I told her if she wanted us to bring it over so often she should buy us a bag. She quickly agreed. We then spent the next week trying to track one down. I didn't realize it would be such a big deal finding one. Silly me.

After dinner with my parents, J.R. and I headed out to his aunt's house to spend the rest of the day with his dad's family. We had a nice time with all the family. I got a call from my parents while we were there telling me they had to take my grandfather to the hospital. I was a bit more than upset about it. My parents talked about leaving right then and there but then decided to go on with our plan. J.R. and I didn't stick around too long because we had to go home and pack. Fun! Thankfully I got some sleep in there. So our Christmas was very nice this year!

I'll be writing about our trip soon. Hopefully sooner than I did about Christmas. ; ) I wanted to have some cake pictures but I'm still waiting on those.

My Husband Rocks! - Massage

2008-12-26T08:16:00.000-08:00

As this post goes up I will be on my way to Colorado! YEAH! I'm really excited about our trip. Pray for a safe trip and clear roads for us as its a long drive. Thankfully, we don't have to drive through the Rockies, though I would love to take J.R. to Denver and Colorado Springs. But we don't have the time so maybe some other time.

I have been meaning to write about this particular reason why my husband rocks for a few weeks. But if you're a regular reader you know that I took a bit of a blogging break, which is why the delay. My husband rocks because a few weeks ago I wasn't doing well mentally or emotionally. I was a wreck. A huge ball of stress. I could feel depression inching its way back into my life. I was delivered of that years ago and I definitely don't want to go back. But every once in a while it starts to creep in.

J.R. has never really seen me like that and frankly he didn't quite know how to handle me. I felt bad for him but I also wasn't quite able to shake my mental funk I was under. One day, shortly after he came home from work, he took me by the hand and led me into the spare bedroom. He had everything all set up to give me a nice massage. He was so sweet and gave me a full body massage. It was fantastic. I later asked him why he did it. He told me he knew I was stressed and wanted to do what he could to try to help me relax. What a wonderful guy! So that is just one reason why my husband rocks!

I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas!

Stress is the trash of modern life - we all generate it but if you don't
dispose of it properly, it will pile up and overtake your life.
~Danzae Pace

Crazy Weekend!

2008-12-22T11:07:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's already Monday! This weekend flew by so quickly. It didn't help that I was unbelievably busy. I even missed the start of ICLW yesterday. So I'm already behind there. If you're visiting for ICLW and want a quick rundown of what's going on click here.

The past two Fridays my mom and I have been busily baking. Last Friday we made over 300 cookies and 11 loaves of pumpkin bread. This past week she made fudge and rocky road clusters and a cake. (I'll have cake pictures up as soon as I get it.) The cake was adorable. It has a snowman with snowballs everywhere. This Friday was spent decorating the cake and filling tins with all the goodies. We are bringing tons of goodies with us on our trip to Colorado. My mom especially wanted to do a cake for her family so they could see what we do. So that's all ready to go.

Friday night we were at the church for the volunteers appreciation dinner. It was oh so good. But I also ate oh so much. Not so good. Oh well. Each day is new.

Saturday J.R. went golfing with his mom so my parents picked me up and took me to lunch. Then we did the unthinkable. We went shopping the weekend before Christmas. I don't know what we were thinking. It was absolute madness. But I'm thankful to say that I'm now thisclose to being done. All I have left is to shop for my dad (which I'm doing today with my mom and brother) and I already know what I'm getting him. Whew! Tonight will be spent wrapping everything.

Saturday evening J.R. had his last softball game. I sat and froze. It was way too cold to be sitting out there. But the game finally ended and a bunch of us went to a fantastic hole in the wall Mexican restaurant where I proceeded to eat too much once again. Dang it!

Sunday morning was church. Then we went home and relaxed a bit before going over to a friends for dinner. There are four of us couples that have a home group for our church. We've all become pretty good friends. Of course J.R. and I are the only couple not running after a baby. But we have a good time together and yesterday was no exception. I once again ate too much! Looks like this weekend was a bust for me. Oh well!

Finally Sunday evening our church had the Christmas service. Instead of doing a play of some sorts, (thank God because last year was a disaster!) there were just different people singing songs. My mom was one of them. As usual, she was incredible. My dad even did a song on his trumpet that was really great too.

So it was quite the busy weekend. In other news, I got a hair cut! Yeah!! Finally! It had been almost a year since I had one and things were getting desperate. I was almost ready to take the scissors to my own hair. Not a good idea. My mom decided to get me a hair cut and color as a Christmas gift. My oh so wonderful husband knew that I would like to have my hair done before we went on our trip and suggested she give it to me early. Yay! What a great guy! He knows me too well. So last Monday I went out and got my hair chopped right off. You know you got a pretty drastic hair cut when the men you know in church are commenting on your hair. :) It's shorter than I've ever had it before. And I'm loving it.

Evidence that my eyes change color.
Here they look green.

Here they look blue.

Crazy!

I'm Back!

2008-12-18T12:22:00.000-08:00

I'm finally back from a much needed writing break. I really just needed a breather after NaBloPoMo. I'm finally getting the desire to write once again so here I am. Not too much has happened in the last couple of weeks. I did finish my creative writing class. I'll be honest I didn't put my full effort into the class after the first couple of weeks. I'm sure I squeaked by with a B. I should have gotten an A. I would have gotten an A if I had really tried. But they are right when they say its hard to go back to school. I didn't think it would be for me but it really was getting back into the swing of having assignments due and that sort. I'm used to giving out assignments not doing them. :) So that's over and done with. I'm glad I did it. I did learn a lot. But I'm also very glad its over with.

As far as working, well, that hasn't been going too well. If you remember a few months back I said I had a job. I was very excited about it. And I do have a job. It just doesn't do much good if you aren't actually working. That's right. They haven't given me any students yet so even though I have a job, I'm not working. That sucks. We are still muddling through and God is continuing to be a faithful provider.

We are looking into moving. Where we aren't sure. We're praying about that one. We don't know if we are supposed to move into a place locally that is a little cheaper (though we'd really like it if our landlady would drop our rent, we'll see about that one. I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to lose us as renters. But I also know she's pretty cheap.) Or we have also been talking about moving out of state. We'll just have to see what God has in store for us. I'm excited and anxious about it. I just want some answers already. :)

Let's see. What else? The weight loss is going well. As of today I have lost 5.8 pounds. I'm extremely excited about that. 4.2 to go in the next two weeks. I think I can do it. I put on my jeans last night and could notice they weren't quite as snug. That's just further motivation for me. I wanted to thank you all for your encouragement. It really meant a lot to me. And to answer some of your questions and concerns. I'm only doing 1200 cal. a day because I'm not planning on exercising right now. If I do exercise the site I'm using does up my calories so I'm not starving myself here. That wouldn't be good. I know I do need to exercise and I will. I just didn't want to overwhelm myself with everything. I wanted to make sure that I would keep with it. I will add exercise eventually, but for now I'm doing just fine without it. Also, thanks for the video recommendations. I will definitely look into that once I start the exercise part of this whole ordeal. :)

MyFitnessPal - Calorie Counter

I can't believe that Christmas is a week away! This month has flown by. I'm just about done Christmas shopping which is great. Once I'm done the wrapping will start. We've kept things pretty low key this year. We obviously can't afford to go all out. But I'm ok with that. Besides the whole presents thing is not why I love this time of year. My tree has been up since the day after Thanksgiving. I love it!

Ok so that is a picture from last year as you can see there are presents and I just said I hadn't wrapped any yet. But nothing has changed from last year as we have an artificial tree and we have no camera at the moment.

Finally, the last few weeks my family has been in a mad rush to plan a quick trip. My mom got news that her dad wasn't doing too well. She's been telling me for months that she feels like she needs to go see her dad. So that phone call from her mom sealed the deal. The day after Christmas we are borrowing the church van (thank God for that!) and heading to Colorado. Pray that the roads will be clear for us. We definitely don't want to have to drive through the snow and ice.

It's been over 8 years since we've gone to see my grandparents. The last (and only time) they came to see us was when I graduated from grad school. Yep that's right they didn't even show up for my wedding. I don't totally blame them. The travel is really difficult on them and my grandmother freaks out at the traffic here. They live in a little town out in the country so Southern California is a huge change.

It's going to be a big surprise. My uncle (who I haven't seen since I was 10) is going to be there. My aunt has decided to go as well. Some of my cousins might even show up which would be nice. The more the better, simply because that means more people to pass my grandmother around with. She's a fairly annoying woman and drives us all crazy. We are definitely not looking forward to seeing her. I know that sounds mean but its true and sad. We are all definitely there to see my Grandpa who is amazing. I'm also pretty excited about showing J.R. around Colorado. That has always been home for my family (even though I haven't lived there since I was 4.) He's never been and it's just so beautiful. It's actually one of the places we are talking about moving to (though no where near my grandma.)

So that's what's been going on with me the last few weeks. There are a few more things. But I'll get to them later.

Family is just accident.... They don't mean to get on your nerves.
They don't even mean to be your family, they just are.
~Marsha Norman

Weight

2008-12-01T12:33:00.000-08:00

I have always struggled with my weight. Even as a pre-teen I could use to lose a few pounds. While I wasn't actually fat at that point, I thought I was. I spent my entire teenage years thinking I was fat. For most of them that wasn't true. I simply wasn't as skinny as the next girl. However, as I went through high school I began to gain more and more weight. It wasn't pretty. By the time I got to college I was quite a bit overweight. me @ 16 ^

At that time I vowed to lose some weight. I would not become a victim of the freshman 15. You can imagine how proud I was when I went home for Christmas having lost 15 pounds rather than gaining 15. However, that success was short lived and I put all that weight right back on plus a few more to spare. I continued to gain more and more weight as I went through college.

Then I went home between my junior and senior semester (I graduated a semester early so my senior year consisted of one semester!) My brother was traveling with a drama group based out of Minnesota. Before he left he made my mom promise that she would lose some weight. (Don’t worry. He did this in a very loving and non-offense way.) So she did just that. When I got home that summer she was already on the fast track of losing weight. I have to admit I was a little jealous. But she promised she would help me lose some weight as well. The first two weeks were torturous. I kicked and screamed the whole way. I was miserable as my body rid itself of all the sugar in my body. However, after those first two weeks and I started to see some results, it wasn’t as bad.
Me @ my heaviest (at that point.) --->

I went back to school that fall having lost 40 pounds. I was so proud of myself. Some people didn’t even recognize me. It was such a great feeling. However, I wasn’t done yet. I had a bit more I wanted to lose. Being away at college made it a little more difficult to follow the diet, but I did the best I could and I didn’t gain any back that semester. When I got back home, I started the diet full force once again. This time the weight loss was a little slower but I ended up losing another 20 pounds. I was so excited. I was able to fit into the dress I wore for my 8th grade graduation. Yeah you got me right. I was able to wear the same clothes I fit into when I was 13. That was an incredible feeling.

<--- me @ 8th grade graduation; "the dress"

I wasn’t super skinny (I was thisclose to wearing a size 10, an amazing feat for me). But I was finally ok with my looks. I felt so much more confident. It was fantastic. I was able to keep the weight off for quite some time.

At my thinnest -->

Then it happened. I fell in love. And the weight began to start packing on once again. It came on slowly but I now find myself after being with J.R. almost 6 years tipping the scale far more than I ever had in the first place. It’s a frustrating place to be in.

For years I have been vowing to shed this weight, only to start then soon after fail. I cannot do the diet I once did. It was an extremely popular diet for that time and obviously it worked. However, I’ve learned dieting just doesn’t work. I need to retrain myself and the way I eat. That is the only way I’m going to make any lasting difference. All this summer (yes I know it’s just about winter now) I vowed to lose some weight. But the cycle continued. I would start only to quit days later. If you’ve ever had to lose some weight you will understand when I say you have to get to a point where you are finally sick of it and do something about it. There are often a lot of starts and stops along the process.

Over the past few months my mom lost 40 pounds. (She and I tend to gain and lose together.) I was once again jealous as she was giving me all her clothes that no longer fit. But I still wasn’t at the point where I was going to stick with anything.

Now is the time. I’m finally done with it. I don’t want to look like this anymore. My one saving grace is I have a fantastic figure. I am lucky enough to gain weight proportionally so I don’t look as heavy as I actually am. Even at xxx pounds, I still have an hourglass figure. It’s just a little bigger than I’d like. I’d like my hourglass to be counting hours not years here.
<---Last November

So here’s goes nothing, well hopefully a lot. I started last week. My dad thought I was crazy to start last week. But if I’m going to do it, I need to be able to do it whenever. I definitely wasn’t going to wait for the New Year to have yet another resolution fail within days of making it. No the time is now and I’m going for it.

I found a fantastic site that lets me track my calories. There are many of these sites but I liked this one the best because it’s easy to navigate and it doesn’t have a lot of unnecessary stuff. I can track my calories and my exercise and it allows me to track my progress. That’s all I need. I’m also giving myself one day a week where I do not count. I figure it will get exhausting trying to count each and every day and you just need one day where you can splurge. This past week my day of choice was obvious.

August ^

My goal is simply to keep my calorie in take under 1200 a day. That’s not too bad and I discovered is pretty easy to do (as long as my husband isn’t around.) I figure sharing my story with the internets will help give me some motivation in the process. Not to mention my mom is cheering me along and getting back on track with me. I’m waiting for J.R. to realize he needs to join me. (hint, hint babe) I’m not as concerned with him because, well, guys are disgusting and can lose weight just by thinking about it.

I’m happy to announce that I’ve already lost 2.5 pounds! Woo Hoo! I’ve got a ways to go but my first goal is to lose 10 pounds by the end of the year. And I’m on my way.

MyFitnessPal - Calorie Counter

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
~Author Unknown

Finish Line (AKA the end of NaBloPoMo)

2008-11-30T08:03:00.000-08:00

Today is that last day of NaBloPoMo. I did it! I'm actually really proud of myself for following through with this project. I'm even more proud of the fact that all but two of my posts had something of substance. No they weren't all profound, but who wants that anyway. All but two I actually had something to say, something to talk about. That in and of itself is amazing.

I worked really hard on this all month. Some days I didn't get my post in until the last minute. But I am proud to say that each was written and posted before the strike of midnight each and every night.

I did notice toward the end that my writing tended to fall off a bit. I wasn't as pleased with how my writing sounded and flowed. Sometimes it seemed forced and didn't flow well, to me at least. That's something I'll have to work on. I think a lot of that just has to do with being tired of writing SO much and just wanting to get something out there, even if it didn't sound precisely as I would like.

On top of finishing NaBloPoMo, I am proud to announce that for the first time I was also able to make Iron Commentor for ICLW. If you are unfamiliar with ICLW there is a nice little button on the right that will explain everything. But an Iron Commentor is one who has commented on every.single.blog on this list. That's a lot of commenting. I almost did it last month. I was short 30 blogs and was just too tired to finish it out. This month I completed the entire list. Some blogs I had to be a little more creative with my comments as I wasn't sure how to respond. But I'm proud of myself for not only finishing NaBloPoMo but also being an Iron Commentor this month. We'll see if I'm up to the task next month. I have a feeling I may not even attempt it.

So to those of you also doing NaBloPoMo. Yay! It's over! And congrats! You probably won't hear from me quite as often the next few weeks. But I'll be around. :)

A deadline is negative inspiration. Still, it's better than no
inspiration at all.
~Rita Mae Brown

Painting

2008-11-29T08:44:00.000-08:00

About a month ago my mom and I decided to do some painting for one of our weekly outings. We loved it so much we ended up going the next week as well. We did our research ahead of time and found this small privately owned place. Their rates were pretty cheap and their pieces were also pretty inexpensive. I really enjoyed the feeling of this little shop as the owner was extremely helpful. She worked really hard to help us figure out exactly what we wanted and taught us some tricks we wouldn't have known about otherwise.

I decided to do this little, well, I don't know what you would call it. It's where I keep my ring. My mom is pretty talented and is the one that drew the flower on the piece for me. It didn't turn out as well as I envisioned. However, it turned out quite a bit better than I expected when I left it to be fired. I thought I created a mess of things. Turns out it wasn't so bad. Not as good as I was hoping but still kind of cute.

My mom decided to do this cute little cupcake. The yellow turned out a bit darker than we anticipated, but it's still really cute. The owner was the one that helped us figure out how to get the lettering on there nice and neat. It was a bit of work (I ended up painting the lettering for my mom), but it turned out really nice.

The next week we decided to go again. However, I saw a piece at the more expensive place that I really wanted to do. They also had much cuter Christmas pieces. So despite the cost we headed over there for another day of painting. This time I was prepared. I brought along different sizes of flowers to put on my piece. And because we went to the other place the week before I was able to know exactly what to ask for and what to do. I was very thankful for that because the people at this more expensive place weren't so helpful. They were nice enough. However, they didn't go out of their way to really help us out.

And this is how it turned out! I'm so happy with this. I think it's really cute. The top comes off and can be used as a jewelry box. I'm also extremely relieved that my mom convinced me to only do one flower. This one was extremely time consuming to do. I can't imagine having done more.

My mom decided to do this snowman plate as we both love snowmen. It turned out really cute. She even gave it to me. How sweet is that?

So that was our adventure painting. We really enjoyed it. I can't wait to do it again.

It's always gratifying to share a hobby with a friend.
~ Patricia Marx

My Husband Rocks! - Family

2008-11-28T16:31:00.000-08:00

The past few weeks I have been wondering whether or not I should continue on with My Husband Rocks Fridays. However, yesterday J.R. came up to me and was asking me if I had written my blog post for the day. Then he said, "I love Fridays. Well, I love reading your blog on Fridays." And that settled it for me. Because even if everyone else in the entire world hates what I write on Fridays, my husband likes it and that's all that matters.

So why does my husband rock this week? As I'm sure most are very aware yesterday was Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving and all the holidays of this time of year involve spending a lot of time with family. That is a wonderful thing. My immediate family is a tight knit group. I was always concerned that my husband wouldn't necessarily fit in. If you've read my blog much, you know I've moved a lot. Because of that my parents, my brother and I were all we ever had. We were never surrounded with a lot of family, it was always just the four of us. Yes, we occasionally saw the rest of our family. But those visits were few and far between, especially during the holidays. That was always fine with me. I like it smaller and more intimate anyway. So I was concerned how bringing someone else into the mix would be.

For years I prayed that my husband would be someone that would fit right in. My husband rocks this week because he is just that person. Even though he's only been a part of the family for 4 years now, he fits right in like a missing puzzle piece. It's hard to remember what it was like without him. My dad has even made such a comment. And that means more to me than just about anything. I am so thankful that he is such a great fit to our family that he doesn't even mind spending hours upon hours just hanging out at my parents house. Quite honestly it's like our second home. I only hope that whoever my brother eventually brings into our little family will be as good a fit.

I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich.
~Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford

Side note: I redid my blog for Christmas. Let me know what you think. And if you hate it, oh well. I love it and it will only be up until the new year. :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T08:33:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving! I figured I would use this post to count the many blessings I have in my life. So here goes, one for every year I've been alive.

1. My salvation - The best gift ever given.

2. My relationship with God - I don't know where I would be without Him.

3. My husband - He is the second greatest thing God has given me. I'm so incredibly thankful that he is a part of my life.

4. My parents - I am so lucky to have two wonderful parents. They are such a great example. I couldn't ask for better parents.

5. My brother - I am very lucky to have such a great brother and the growing relationship we have.

6. My family - Some may say this is a little redundant, however, for me there is a big difference between my immediate family and the rest of my family. And I'm very thankful for them all. All my grandparents are still alive and I hope that one day I can give them great grandchildren.

7. My church family - Because we don't live very close to any of our family (never have really), our church family is very important. I'm so glad to have such a wonderful place where I can go and feel supported.

8. My friends - Growing up I never had many friends. We moved so often and I was very shy, so it would take me a long time to find good friends. I am so thankful that I have been able to cultivate a good group of friends.

9. Hope in God's promises - I am so thankful that I can hold on to the promises of God because He does not lie and what He promises He will do. That is a wonderful thing to be able to hold on to in the midst of any trial.

10. My health - I may not be in the greatest of shape, but things could be far worse. I am so thankful that my body is healthy, as well as the rest of my family.

11. My home - I am so thankful that I have a nice home where I am safe and secure.

12. My car - I am thankful that we have a nice little car that is reliable and will get us where we need to go.

13. My citizenship - I am thankful to live in a country where I am free to speak my mind, live my life, and worship how I want to. That is an incredible gift.

14. My education - I am so thankful that I was able to get a good education.

15. Food - I don't have to worry about where my food will come from. I don't have to worry about going hungry. That is truly a wonderful thing to be thankful for.

16. Water - These are basic needs, however, much of the world has to worry about these things. I am thankful that I don't have to worry about being able to get clean water.

17. California - While I may not always be thrilled with the state I am living in, it is a wonderful place to live. I am very spoiled to be living here. People spend their entire lives saving to be able to come on vacation here once. I get to live here.

18. My cats - This may seem silly. But they bring me such comfort. They are wonderful to have around and my house would be so quiet without them.

19. J.R.'s job - I am very thankful that he has a steady job. I don't know where we would be without it. While things aren't wonderful financially at his job, it is a secure job.

20. My job - Even though I haven't started working yet and I'm still trying to find another job, I am thankful for the job I know that God will provide for me.

21. God's provision - I am so very grateful for God's provision during this difficult time for J.R. and I. Despite my not working we have been surviving through God's provision.

22. Rain - It's just started raining again. It's much needed and I love it!

23. My blog - I'm so thankful for a place where I can express myself. And more importantly I'm thankful for all the wonderful people I've met through blogging.

24. My future children - I may not know when they will come, but I am so thankful that one day I will be able to hold my children.

25. My clean house - It's taken a while to get to this point and I'm hoping I can hang on to it. But I'm so thankful that for the last few weeks I've had a clean house.

26. My mother in law - As much as she can drive J.R. and I crazy, she is really wonderful to help us out whenever we need it.

27. My former students - While many of them caused me quite a bit of aggravation, I learned so much from them. I am so thankful for the time I was able to spend with them.

28. My books - I am thankful that I am able to have such a large collection of one of my favorite things.

So Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you have a wonderful day spent with friends and family!

Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow.
~Edward Sandford Martin

WFW - Psalm 100:4

2008-11-26T01:00:00.000-08:00

The word "thanks" is used in the Bible 108 times. That's a lot of thanks going around. I thought it only appropriate to share one of these many verses this week for WFW. As I read through verse after verse about giving thanks, and being thankful there were just so many I really loved. So here is a list of my top 5.

5. I will praise the name of God with a song, And will magnify Him with thanksgiving. - Psalm 69:30

4. It is good to give thanks to the LORD, And to sing praises to Your name, O Most High - Psalm 92:1

3. Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift! - 2 Corinthians 9:15

2. Praise the LORD! Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever. - Psalm 106:1

The exact phrasing for this last verse is used at LEAST 6 times in Psalms. As I was reading through Psalms I remembered seeing this one over and over. What a comfort that God is good and His mercies endure forever!

As you can see many of these verses about thanks are found in Psalms. This shouldn't be a big surprise to anyone that is familiar with the Bible. Psalms is filled with verses on praising God no matter what the circumstances in life may bring. The other thing I noted (and I'm sure my dad will be so proud) is the fact that all these verses not only talk about giving thanks but praising God as well. It would seem the two go hand in hand.

The verse I picked is a rather familiar verse but it is no less inspiring. Growing up my dad was a music pastor. As I became old enough to sit in "big church," I would sit there week after week and watch my dad lead our congregation in worship. I don't know how many times I've heard him use this verse when calling the people to a time of worship. He always said it with such force and enthusiasm. I would dare say it is probably one of his favorite verses. (Though I'm quite certain his favorite verse must have to do something with blowing trumpets, as he plays a trumpet. Anytime anyone mentions such a verse or says anything in relation to praising God with a trumpet my dad is all too quick to show his enthusiasm, no matter how strange he may look doing so.)

This verse is a reminder that I am to praise my God and thank Him for all my many blessings. There is a song that we used to sing in church. It's probably familiar to some. It says:

Count your blessings, Name them one by one, Count your blessings see what God has done, Count your many blessings, Name them one by one, Count your many blessings see what God has done.

I think this is so true. Whether you are a believer or not, it is important to sit down and reflect on the things you are thankful for, and not just during this time of the year but the whole year through. It's amazing how a positive spin can completely change your entire outlook. I'm still working on that one.

As I sit here typing, it's raining outside. A lot. A very unusual occurrence for here in Southern California where it has been in a state of drought since before I moved here 16 years ago. So it's a wonderful blessing. Not to mention the fact that I absolutely love the rain. (Oh how I miss thunder storms. We don't get those around here.)

There will always be someone who has things better. The important thing is to focus on the good you do have. Because the flip side is, there is always someone who has it far worse. As I sit here enjoying the sound of the rain hitting my window, there are people worried about losing their houses in mudslides because of the terrible fires we had a few weeks ago. So I can be thankful that I am sitting here safe and sound and don't have to worry about my house sliding away.

So I choose to give thanks to my God no matter what my situation in life may be. Because if the only thing He ever did for me was give me salvation, that would be more than enough. Everything else is just extras. And I'm so thankful for all those extras. So without further ado my #1 (yeah cause that didn't take me long enough to get to.)

Teachable Tuesday - Prayer or Conversation?

2008-11-25T08:30:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure why but I'm totally not in a writing mood the past few days. NaBloPoMo is wearing me thin with my writing. I just don't feel inspired to write. When I'm not inspired to write I don't really like what comes out. But the end is in sight. And for now I'll do what I can.

I have another post started for last week and I didn't finish it. I wanted to give it some more time so I could do a good job of it. A week has now come and gone and I still don't feel I'm done with it. I need to work on it some more. So instead I wanted to talk about something my pastor said this week. It really struck me and I've been mulling it over for the past few days. Quite actually, it's a thought I've had rolling around in my head for a while and he simply brought it to the open. I think its a lesson that many Christians have yet to learn, myself included. But before I start in on what was said a little illustration. Because you are much more apt to remember something if there is an illustration attached.

Let's pretend you have this friend named M. You have known M on and off your entire life. However, you feel like M is more of an acquaintance than an actual friend despite your many years of knowing one another. It's as if you know each other from afar.

Now one day you decide you would like to pursue a further relationship with M. You want to be more than just an acquaintance. You'd like to be friends. So you meet up for coffee to have a nice conversation. However, all M can do is talk about herself. She doesn't give you a chance to speak even a word and completely manipulates the conversation. You walk away feeling dumped on.

However, you decide to try things again. You think, "well maybe she was just having a bad day." Yet the next time you meet with M, she does the exact same thing. The most you can get in the conversations is a "oh yeah?" "really" and a "hmm."

Now here are some questions for you. Is M the kind of person with whom you'd like to pursue a relationship? Do you feel like M really knows who you are and what you are about? Do you think M is a true friend?

More than likely your answers to these questions are no. So why is it we do the same thing in our relationship with God and expect to have a true and deep relationship with Him? This Sunday my pastor said that prayer and talking to God are two different things. Talking requires not just speaking but listening as well. I think all too often many Christians are simply praying and not talking to God. There is a very common saying among Christians. It's a relationship not a religion. Well, if that's going to be true in your life you have to develop that relationship. Otherwise, how is it different than any other religion?

In no other belief system does god choose to be the friend of his followers. It is a relationship of duty and obligation and fear that you may misstep. But God (the one true God) wants a relationship. Thankfully, God is not like us. Because if we knew someone like M we would simply walk away and forget. Regardless of whether we decide to be M, He loves us and just waits for us to turn to him.

I don't know about you. But I want to be called the friend of God. That means I can't just throw everything at His feet and say "ok you take care of it." I must stop and listen to hear what He has to say to me. I must get to know His voice. I must get to know who He is. This is done through reading the Bible and worshipping Him, but also like I said last week, just sitting in the quietness of His presence listening. I hope to be able to cultivate that relationship in my own life. So the question is are you just praying or are you having conversations with God?

A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 18:24

Makeover

2008-11-24T10:04:00.001-08:00

A week or so ago I began seeing commercials for a certain company. I was intrigued as my mom used to sell their stuff. I had never seen them do commercials before. So in a fit of boredom one day I made my way to their website to see what they had, not that I can afford to buy anything from them right now.

When looking through their website I came across this cool little feature they offered. You could do a virtual makeover and even upload your own picture. I was curious. Many of these that I have seen are pretty lame. So I uploaded my picture to see what would come out. What I discovered was pretty cool. The makeup feature didn't make you look silly and cartoonish, that is unless you used certain colors. No it was pretty real.

Then I discovered the hair feature. This is when I started to have some fun. A lot of the styles aren't too flattering, at least on me. But it was fun to see what I would like like with different hair styles. I also discovered that I really like me with very light auburn hair. I've always wanted to try it but never brave enough. At one point I put on a particular hair style and gasped. I was no longer looking at myself. I was looking at my mom. It was unreal. My mom and I look insanely alike anyway, but when I put on a hairstyle similar to my mom, I was staring at her.

A few days later I was showing my mom the new toy I discovered. She fell in love with a couple of the hair cuts on me. She really fell in love with the red hair on me. So much so she was offering to give me that for my Christmas present, as I haven't had a hair cut in close to a year. Blech! I am really in need of one. I just can't justify the cost right now. So I sit and dream about what I might do. So for kicks here are some of the looks I discovered.

These are the two my mom loved.

I love this one but I'm not sure it looks ok with my face.

This is the one I thought I looked exactly like my mom.

My mom and I (Yes it's an older picture but she isn't going to be happy about me even posting this one. Silly.)

As much as I love long hair, short hair suits my face better.

Cute but wrong color.

For fun some silliness

Bouffant anyone?

What I would look like if I were Wolverine. :)

So which one do you like? And how about that color? Oh and if you'd like to try this for yourself, you can find it at Marykay.com. Have fun with the makeovers! :)

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.
~Kahlil Gibran

15 Things I'm Not Afraid to Admit

2008-11-23T15:02:00.000-08:00

About a week or more ago I was tagged for this meme by Melanie over at Fruits of the Spirit. So I figured now was as good a time as any. Though I am having difficulty thinking of things. I'll do my best.

I am not afraid to admit I am a Christian and Jesus Christ is my savior and I do what I can (with His help) to follow Him and His will.
I am not afraid to admit I met my husband online. *gasp* We did not meet at some singles website. It was totally random. However, I don’t think much of anything is random, so I know it was God. J
I am not afraid to admit I am a huge Broncos fan (even though they keep choking when they shouldn’t, but at least they are still in 1st in their division. Woo Hoo!)
I am not afraid to admit I spend WAY too much time of the computer, usually doing absolutely nothing of importance.
I am not afraid to admit I was a major loner in high school. I was a nerd and mostly kept to myself because 1) we moved before my junior year and 2)I was extremely shy.
I am not afraid to admit I am a huge nerd that loves to read. I can read a book in a day if I have enough time.
I am not afraid to admit I’m a huge procrastinator.
I am not afraid to admit even though I always procrastinated (see above), I enjoyed doing research papers in college. (Further evidence of my nerdiness, I just like to write.)
I am not afraid to admit I love my cats too much. I don’t take it nearly to the extreme that some do. But I love them, they are my babies.
I am not afraid to admit I fall quite easily. My family teases me that I am a klutz and trip over flat surfaces. It’s true. I must be extremely careful when walking through a wet patch.
I am not afraid to admit I am what some would call a tightwad when it comes to money. Growing up we never had a whole lot and I was always very conscious of not spending too much. It has followed me into adulthood.
I am not afraid to admit because I am a bit of a tightwad, I don’t enjoy shopping all that much. I don’t see the point. If I’m not going to buy something why torture myself with looking through things I want but know I’m not going to buy. Useless.
I am not afraid to admit I did a complete 360 on the freeway once. Note: I live in Southern California where you must take a freeway to get just about anywhere. And those freeways are typically very crowded. I’m talking parking lots a lot of the time. I did this 360 across 4 lanes of traffic and just as I saw myself about to hit the center divider, fully confident that I had just totaled my car, it stopped. I drove on, albeit extremely shaken up, without a scratch. Thank God!
I am not afraid to admit I am very much your typical oldest child. I am the responsible one that doesn’t get in trouble and feels guilty about even the smallest slights to my parents whether they care about them or not. For instance, if I have to cancel plans with my parents I feel horribly guilty, even though my parents really don’t care.
I am not afraid to admit I am horribly overweight at this point and I’m tired of it. For too long I’ve put off losing weight because “I might be pregnant this month.” I desperately don’t want to look like this when my brother gets married. (Whenever that happens, hopefully sooner than later.) And I’m done with it and I think I’m finally serious enough to do something about it.
And one more just because. I am not afraid to admit that I hope and pray this is the last Christmas I spend without at least being pregnant. Of course I’ve said this the past two Christmas’s so we’ll see about that.

Panic at the thought of doing a thing is a challenge to do it.
~Henry S. Haskins

Welcome ICLWers!!

2008-11-22T09:56:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my blog for ICLW. I'm stealing this from Liddy. So if you want to see the original just hop on over there. I thought this was a great idea, albeit a little late in the game. But not too late not to do it. So here's some quick info.

Name: Amy married to J.R. since September 2004.

Our TTC Journey: J.R. had leukemia when he was a teenager. We suspect that is our biggest problem. We've been trying for over 2 years (closing in on 3 years beginning of 2009.)

Right Now: I'm currently out of work. (Well, I have a tutoring job they just haven't given me any students.) I was a teacher for 4 years and was laid off at the end of last year. As far as TTC, we are just waiting on God's timing. We don't believe there is anything wrong with seeking medical assistance in this matter. We just don't feel like that's the right route for us to take right now. So we wait.

My likes/dislikes: Love to read and write (currently doing NaBloPoMo, so you will see a post from me every day.) Also, love to be around family and friends. Dislike hearing people eat and mornings. Oh and also the horrible migraines I get.

Also, thanks to all of you and your well wishes for J.R. and I. We are both feeling much much better. We discovered it was food poisoning from our little get together on Tuesday night. I think I'm done with the whole potluck thing from now on. I don't trust it anymore. I've gotten food poisoning twice (the first time) this year because of them. Last time was much much worse for me. But I'm not about to subject myself to that. So I'll be eating before I go to any of those again.

What is food to one, is to others bitter poison.
~Lucretius

My Husband Rocks! - In Sickness . . .

2008-11-21T00:17:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, J.R. and I both were sick. J.R. quite a bit more than me. It wasn't fun. I tried to do my best to take care of him. He threw up from about 5am to 10 or 11am. It wasn't cool. And I had to keep my distance otherwise I would have been in the same situation. I did manage a run to the store to pick up some essentials. But I was quickly beginning to suffer the same fate. Thankfully, I never threw up because I hate throwing up probably more than anything in the world.

So J.R. and I spent all day in bed. We had a little Star Wars marathon. I'm amazed at the attention to detail the Logos Star Wars game has. It's incredible. The sets looks almost exactly the same. So we slept on and off throughout the day. J.R. came down with a fever. I shortly after came down with one as well. We were miserable. Thankfully, I have wonderful parents who sent my brother over with some soup and Tylenol (we had run out). My mom called later in the evening to check on us. She even waited on the phone while we took our temps. She's such a great mom. We are feeling much better today. J.R. went into work, albeit pretty sore from the workout he got yesterday. I'm starting to get hungry, so that's a good sign.

Ok so why does my husband rock this week. Well, that's an easy one. Many men are prone to revert to infancy when they are sick. They whine and gripe and complain. They become very demanding and quite annoying. In essence, they are big wimps. My husband rocks because he is none of those things. He deals with illness extremely well. He does not become demanding. I don't have to wait on him hand and foot, although I do try to he just won't let me. He even told me yesterday that was the sickest he's ever been. I turned back to him with raised eyebrows and said "Really? Ever?" He said, "Well, outside of that (meaning the leukemia)."

So even though he was sicker than he's ever been before (outside of the leukemia that is). He was still so very sweet. When he would ask me to do things, he asked as though he was sorry for even asking. He's such a great patient, which is a nice thing when you are one yourself.

"For better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to
love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."

Ask and You Shall Receive

2008-11-20T13:44:00.000-08:00

So someone asked to see pictures of my pies this week. So I have some pictures to show today. They aren't the best pictures as I took them with my camera phone. (Yeah our camera is dead and we need a new one, hoping for one for Christmas!) I had one pumpkin pie left over from all the mix so I tried the turkey stencil again. Note to self: powdered sugar melts on pumpkin pie no matter when you put it on. Oh well, I tried. I did get a picture before it was completely gone. So without further ado my pies.

Mud Pie

Pumpkin Pie

And last but not least the cake I did a few weeks ago. I finally just got the pictures today. Aren't they cute? I had a lot of fun doing this one. Don't look too closely at the icing on the big cake as I didn't do the greatest job there. Yes, I'm a perfectionist when it comes to that stuff. (My mom is much worse.) It was late and I kept sticking my finger in the side of it. Just great. So here they are. One big one for every one and a small one for the birthday girl. She didn't quite know what to do with it. :)

You can say this for ready-mixes - the next generation isn't going to have any trouble making pies exactly like mother used to make.
~Earl Wilson

And no I didn't use ready-mixes. (at least for the pies.) :)

WFW - Psalm 46:10

2008-11-19T13:48:00.000-08:00

Wow I feel like I'm always a day behind everything. That's what I get for waiting till the last second to do anything. I've really got to kick this whole procrastination thing.

Well, its another Wednesday so another WFW. I really love doing these every week, as it forces me to stop and think about a particular scripture. Most of the time its something I've been reading (hence all the Psalm verses, don't worry I finished reading it but I have MANY verses still to share from that one.) Others are simply verses that have been on my mind.

This week I went and read back through many of the verses I highlighted as I read the Psalms. There are a lot of good verses there. However, this one in particular stood out to me. It reminded me that in the midst of everything I must stop and wait on God. I cannot get so busy with life and doing things that I forget to focus on Him and listen to Him and His word. That's a difficult lesson to learn in our day and age. Every one is always on the go, always doing this, that or the other thing, especially during this time of the year. So this verse reminds me to wait on God and see what He has to say to me.

The second part of this verse is just as good as the first. Not only are we to wait on God but He will be glorified in ALL the world. I know this will sound a little snotty, please don't take it that way because its not at all meant that way. However, that means even if you don't believe in God or if you even happen to believe in some other god, one day you will exalt God. For those that don't share my beliefs I'm sure that may rub you the wrong way, I'm sorry if it does. But for me that gives me hope. Hope to know that no matter what my circumstances in life may be, one day God will be exalted throughout the whole world. I simply choose to practice in the here and now.

I've already stated this before, but its not gotten any better so it bears repeating. My prayer life has been abysmal. I am barely able to utter a word. It's been a struggle. However, in the midst of this struggle two things are happening. First, despite not being able to pray effectively, I am still able to praise my God. All I have to say there is worship on Sunday morning was so great for me and very refreshing to be able to declare the goodness of my God. The second thing that has been happening is I've been feeling the tug of the Holy Spirit on my heart. Yes, I have little if no desire to pray right now. However, it's as if He's telling me "its ok just come sit with me for a while and be still."

So that's why this scripture is really speaking to me right now. I feel the need to just sit quietly in the presence of my God and also have the joy to know my God is great and worthy of all glory. Oh yeah, yet another wonderful picture from my honeymoon. Sigh. If only I could take another vacation. :)

Pies!

2008-11-18T23:05:00.000-08:00

Wow this day has really gotten away from me. I started writing a Teachable Tuesday entry but didn't quite get it finished. I want to do a good job with it and not rush through it so I'll have that one up next week.

Before this weekend I had never made one pie in my entire life. As of today I've made 4! The pie I made this weekend turned out very tasty, though not so pretty. There was too much filling and it was in a constant state of seepage. I had in the fridge for the allotted time, but it still didn't quite set. Oh well, it was really good.

Today I baked my first pumpkin pie. It turned out very nice. I actually had so much filling I was able to make three pies! The young adults group we attend on Tuesday nights has a Thanksgiving dinner every year. As my mom and I bake cakes, I am typically tagged to do some sort of dessert. So I figured what could be more appropriate than pumpkin pie? Not everyone was so pleased with the fact that I brought pie instead of cake. One of the guys that is a regular chastised me for not making a turkey shaped cake. Silly boy.

I did attempt to make my pies a little more decorative than your typical pumpkin pies. I have a turkey stencil so I used it and some powdered sugar to make a turkey on my pies. It turned out really cute. However, my pies were still a little warm and the pie just absorbed the sugar. Oh well.

Tonight was a lot of fun. Just a lot of food and friends. There were quite a few people there tonight. It was a little overwhelming for me. I'm not one to like big crowds. I much rather prefer smaller groups. I have to say if it was like that every week I probably wouldn't be going. But it was a nice time to spend with friends.

Friends are relatives you make for yourself.
~Eustache Deschamps

Awards!

2008-11-17T23:00:00.000-08:00

Melanie over at The Fruits of the Spirit gave me a couple of awards today. She also tagged me for a meme a while back that I still need to do. I promise I'll get to it, I haven't forgotten. I've just found her blog and I'm really enjoying it. She is super sweet so check her out. On to the awards.

The first award is the Uber Amazing Blog Award. Uber is a German word that is similar to our English word super.

An Uber Amazing Blog Award is a blog award given to sites who:

~ inspires you

~ make you smile and laugh

~ or maybe gives amazing information

~a great read

~has an amazing design

~ and any other reasons you can think of that makes them uber amazing!

The rules of this award are:

~ Put the logo on your blog or post.

~ Nominate at least 5 blogs (can be more) that for you are Uber Amazing!

~ Let them know that they have received this Uber Amazing award by commenting on their blog.

~ Share the love and link to this post and to the person you received your award from.

And the second award is the Superior Scribbler Award.

I'm really touched that Melanie would think of me for these awards as I don't think she's been reading my blog too long. Plus its always nice to be recognized for what you are doing and to know that someone appreciates it. So now it's my turn to share the love. This is by far not the only blogs I enjoy. I'm just too lazy to link them all. ;)

Ronda at Ronda's Rants

Mrs. Woggie (or Kirsten) at Creating New Life: Not As Easy As It Seems

Robyn at Bliss Felicite

Leslie at Adventures in Randomness

Andrea at Are You Listening?

Who Are You?

2008-11-16T23:59:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I took this silly little quiz. I saved it for a day when I really wasn't in the mood to write much. Today is such a day. I didn't think this quiz would turn out to be too great. It only asked three questions and only has two results possible (at least I think). So I wasn't sure if it would be too accurate. Imagine my surprise when it turned out to be extremely accurate. There's a link at the bottom if you would like to try out this little quiz. Come on. You know you want to. ;)

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are a Jackie!

You are a Jackie. "I do everything the right way."

Jackies are realistic, conscientious, and principled. They strive to live up to their high ideals.

How to Get Along with Me

* Take your share of the responsibility so I don't end up with all the work.

* Acknowledge my achievements.

* I'm hard on myself. Reassure me that I'm fine the way I am.

* Tell me that you value my advice.

* Be fair and considerate, as I am.

* Apologize if you have been unthoughtful. It will help me to forgive.

* Gently encourage me to lighten up and to laugh at myself when I get uptight, but hear my worries first.

What I Like About Being a Jackie

* Being self-disciplined and able to accomplish a great deal

* Working hard to make the world a better place

* Having high standards and ethics; not compromising myself

* Being reasonable, responsible, and dedicated in everything I do

* Being able to put facts together, coming to good understandings, and figuring out wise solutions

* Being the best I can be and bringing out the best in other people

What's Hard About Being a Jackie

* Being disappointed with myself or others when my expectations are not met

* Feeling burdened by too much responsibility

* Thinking that what I do is never good enough

* Not being appreciated for what I do for people

* Being upset because others aren't trying as hard as I am

* Obsessing about what I did or what I should do

* Being tense, anxious, and taking things too seriously

Jackies as Children Often

* Criticize themselves in anticipation of criticism from others

* Refrain from doing things that they think might not come out perfect

* Focus on living up to the expectations of their parents and teachers

* Are very responsible; may assume the role of parent

* Hold back negative emotions ("good children aren't angry")

Jackies as Parents

* Teach their children responsibility and strong moral values

* Are consistent and fair

* Discipline firmly

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

The words "I am" are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you're claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you.
~A.L. Kitselman

Busy Saturday

2008-11-15T14:30:00.000-08:00

Well, I've made it half way through the month. I'm fairly amazed I've made it this far. Hopefully I'll be able to keep up this writing marathon for the next couple of weeks. All this writing and I still have things to write about. That's one of the most amazing things for me.

This is going to prove to be yet another busy Saturday. I have not one but two papers to write. I'm a bit slacking in that area as I didn't get my homework done last week. Shameful I know. Hopefully she will accept it late. If not, oh well, I'll survive. So I have that hanging over my head. I think because of all the writing I'm having to do here, when I sit down to write for my class I'm just not in the mood. But I have some ideas for my story this week. I'm hoping it comes out alright on the page. We'll see.

Tonight friends of ours are having a dessert party. Yumm! It should be a lot of fun. I'm making a mud pie. Never made one of those before. If it turns out ok I'll make sure to share pictures. Then I have to make cornbread for church tomorrow. Once a month our church has a "Soup Sunday" Basically each ministry in the church takes turns providing soup and serving to the congregation after the service. It's a nice idea where you get to know your church family. This week is the week the home groups are in charge. Since J.R. and I are technically the assistants for our home group, I got roped into making some cornbread for the chili. So lots of baking going on today, along with a whole lot of writing. So I'm off to hopefully get something done. :)

Measure not the work until the day's out and the labor done.
~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

My Husband Rocks! - Car Sharing

2008-11-14T18:43:00.000-08:00

Ever since school ended in June, J.R. has been taking the car to work. As I'm sure I've said before, J.R. works VERY close to our home. 1/2 a mile to be exact. Plainly a distance that can be walked. Despite my vast amount of encouraging him to do so, he has one excuse after another. That's ok.

However, since he is using the car that pretty much means we are down to one car. He has a truck. But I refuse to drive it, even when its working, which it isn't right now.

So this week my husband rocks because he is always willing to let me use the car when I need it. Whether he forces himself to get up a whole 10 minutes early to make the walk to work or if he comes back so I can drop him off at work, he makes every effort to make our only mode of transportation available to me when I need it. Thanks babe!

Shocked and Amazed

2008-11-13T15:20:00.000-08:00

Before we got too far away from the election there were a few things I wanted to get down on here before I forgot them. Both events left me fairly flabbergasted and amazed.

The first happened while at my parents house the Sunday before the election. The phone rang and, as usual, if my parents don't recognize the number they don't pick up. The answering machine picked up and I was stunned by the message that was left. The message was from a woman running for some city office. Not totally unusual for someone at the local level to make their own calls. She then proceeded to say that she was calling to see if our family had any questions and if we did she would be happy to answer them. Then before she hung up she left her home phone number and her email address!! My mom and I sat there in disbelief. We couldn't believe she would leave her personal number and email. Needless to say, she got our vote.

The second (and third actually) event happened while in the discussion group one of my former students began. One of the students participating wasn't exactly my favorite student. In fact, I down right didn't like the guy. He always made a point to argue with me and question my authority in front of the entire class. He did his best to make me look like an idiot at any chance, and sometimes succeeded. During one class, he asked me what I would do if he threw a book at my head. I stood there in complete disbelief. I didn't even know how to respond.

So as you can see, I didn't have the greatest relationship with this student. I actually cringed every time I saw him. Through the course of this discussion group there were a few times that I disagreed with what he was thinking/saying. Without picking on him in any way, I would simply point out how my opinion differed from his and why. Imagine my complete shock when not once but twice he came back and said, "You're right Mrs. R! Thanks!" I almost fell out of my chair (and not the one on one wheel)! So that gave me some hope. It wasn't about the fact that he agreed with me, though that's amazing. It was more about the fact that I feel like I somewhat reconciled things with this student, even if he never realized something was wrong.

WFW - Psalm 119:105

2008-11-12T12:04:00.000-08:00

For the past few months I've been going through the Old Testament in an attempt to finally read it the whole way through. It seems that every time I start this I always get stuck around Numbers or Deuteronomy. So I had a novel idea. I decided to start from the back and work my way forward. Now I don't read the books backward, I'm simply reading the books in reverse order. Right now I'm just about done with Psalms. According to my estimates I should be done with the whole thing in the next few months!

Lately, my prayer life has been lacking. I don't have much of a desire to pray. I feel as if my words bounce back in my face. I'm in a funk. It's no fun having to struggle through daily conversations with someone you have felt so close to only recently. But I keep pressing on.

The one thing that has given me solace in the midst of my funk is reading the Word. As I have been reading through David's writings and how he struggled through so much, I am amazed at his resilience. He always comes back to the point of praising God no matter what storms lay ahead. That gives me some hope.

Even if my prayers seem like they bounce off the walls, I can continue to praise my God because I know He is there and He hears my every word and knows my every need. So through this funk I'm in, the Word of God has been such an encouragement to me in my daily reading. I would probably be in a far worse funk without it. So that brings me to my scripture for this week. It's not just my scripture but my prayer. I'm living this one out (or at least trying to) daily. I want His Word to shine upon the steps I take in life. I want to follow in the path that He has set before me.

Teachable Tuesday - Willing to Die for the Cause?

2008-11-11T15:34:00.000-08:00

I feel like I'm a day behind in everything right now. But I have a clean house so I'm happy about that. I'm already getting fatigued with the amount of writing I'm having to do for NaBloPoMo. I don't want to be writing just for the sake of writing. That's boring and no one including myself wants to read posts like that (eh hem, my posts this weekend included.)

Today, I was looking through all my notes on Mere Christianity in an attempt to come up with something to write about. There's a lot of good ideas there. But a lot of it is deep philosophical stuff. I frankly don't have the energy to deal with that right now.

I came across this following quote this last week and I thought it was interesting. It's been on my mind so I figured I could use it. As my Teachable Tuesdays continue to unfold I suppose I should explain that my original idea was to simply post a quote that I found interesting, something that made me think. I absolutely love quotes. My classroom was packed full of them. I wanted to stay away from using scriptures here because I already have WFW to express what scriptures are on my heart. So without further ado my quote for the week.

Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne, and I have founded empires. But on what did we rest the creations of our genius? Upon force. Jesus Christ founded his empire upon love; and at this hour millions of men would die for him.
~Napoleon Bonaparte

I found this statement to be all too true. Whether you like Him or not, you have to admit that Jesus made the most drastic impact on our world (and He did it in 3 1/2 years! WOW!) The fact that we are still talking about (and fighting about) Him two thousand years later is testimony to His impact. I would dare say that no other singular person who has ever lived (and in my opinion, will ever live) has made more of an impact on the history of mankind. That's an amazing thing.

The clincher here for me was that He never used force. While the leaders of our world for thousands of years have used force to impose their will upon the people and used that force to conquer more people, Jesus came peaceably and won the hearts of millions. In fact, there are even those today, thousands of years later, that would willingly lay down their lives for Him. Some critics might turn this fact around and ask how then are Christians any different than Muslim suicide bombers. A lot, I would respond. The difference being that the goal of any suicide bomber is not simply to die for their beliefs, but to kill as many people possible that do not share their beliefs. True Christians go willingly and do not attempt to bring others along for the ride.

I find it fascinating that where there is persecution of the Christian church it flourishes like no other place. Yet when the Christian faith is accepted and common, corruption tends to sneak its way in. Stop and think about that one for a minute. It doesn't make sense that where an idea is persecuted it would grow exponentially, but Christianity does.

So that's it for this week. Hopefully I've given you something to think about. For those of you Christians reading I have a question for you to ponder. Would you be willing to lay down your life for Him? It's a difficult question to answer, I know. I believe I've finally resolved this one for myself. Let me tell you, there is a great peace knowing the answer is yes. Again that doesn't make sense. But I know that it's a peace from God and what greater peace can we have except through Him?

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
1 John 3:16

Busy, Busy, Busy

2008-11-10T22:20:00.001-08:00

If you've read my two previous lame attempts at posts, you'll realize I had quite the weekend. But oh so great a weekend. So here's a quick recap.

Thursday I got a call from a friend of mine. It seems she was helping another of our friends plan her daughter's 1st birthday and they needed a cake. That's where I came in. She wanted to know if I could make a cake for Saturday. Yeah, two days to whip something up. Not a whole lot of time. But I gave my mom a call and we figured out that it could be done. So my Thursday evening was spent making cake.

Friday my mom and I headed out to Orange County to a craft fair. It was a small one but we had a great time looking at all the items. It was a Christmas craft fair so that makes it all the better. We bought a few things and found some ideas we would like to create on our own. We also ran into these ladies that were selling cupcakes. 2 for $5.50! And the cupcakes weren't all that impressive. We took a look at their "portfolio" (which was actually just a cheap plastic picture holder) and weren't impressed at all. My mom and I walked away wondering why we couldn't do something like that for a living.

One thing about craft fairs there is no shortage of all things baby. I have to admit it was a little difficult looking at all the baby stuff. I almost teared up a few times. I told my mom how I was feeling. Always one to look on the bright side, she told me it shouldn't make me sad, it should give me hope. Yeah, not really the way I'm seeing it. My point of view is that I should already be able to buy all the cutesy things we found. Oh well, someday.

Friday evening J.R.'s grandparents came out and took the two of us out to dinner, for my birthday. Yes, I know. My birthday was over two months ago. They promised to take me out for my birthday and well life happened. We finally got together and had a very nice dinner.

After dinner, J.R. and I raced over to my parents house where my mom and I finished off the birthday cake. It turned out really cute. I'll post pictures later as they are on my mom's camera at the moment.

Saturday afternoon was previously mentioned birthday party. It was at a park. We initially had some difficulty finding the park, which was frustrating. But we eventually found the place and delivered the cake. Everyone was very impressed and loved it. We had a nice afternoon hanging out with friends.

After the party, my brother met us at our house and we went to their softball game. J.R. and my brother play on the church softball team. That is where we can be found most Saturday evenings and usually where I get my homework done. :) At the game I met up with my friend M, who I hadn't seen in what felt like forever.

The game was over quickly and about 15 of us decided to get something to eat. So we invaded a local restaurant and terrorized some waitstaff with our large grouping. We had a really nice evening. During the course of the meal, my brother invited his best friend and wife, M over to our house the next day. Remind me to invite people over to his house once he actually moves out.

Sunday we went to church, then raced home to clean before our guests arrived. We finished just before they showed up (thank God.) We got a few pizzas and watched a movie. As the evening went on we finally decided to do what we originally planned, the spa. M and I made our way down to the spa while the boys finished whatever game they happened to be playing. We were actually down there almost a full 30 minutes before they showed up. We didn't mind too much as we were having a nice conversation.

Once they showed up we were so hot from the spa we decided to test out the pool. It happened to not be so bad and we swam for a bit. Then the boys traded with us as we went back into the spa while they threw a football back and forth in the pool. We eventually all started playing a game in the pool. We had a lot of fun and probably disturbed the neighbors. Oh well. We swam for almost two hours.

One would think that would be the end to a very full day. But it wasn't. We decided to play cards. It was already starting to get late when we began the game. By the time it was over, we were all so tired and slap happy we didn't care who won. We just wanted the game to be over.

So our weekend was very full and a whole lot of fun. I apologize for the lame posts the last two days. But as you can see, I was having too much fun to be bothered with writing anything of any interest.

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

What a Weekend!

2008-11-09T23:55:00.000-08:00

This weekend has been pretty busy. This is the first chance I've had to really get on the computer today and it's pretty late. We had friends over and had a really great time. But now I'm exhausted and in need of my pillow and some sleep, poor J.R. has to work in the morning. So I'll have a real post tomorrow I promise.

Boring to follow in 3, 2, . . .

2008-11-08T23:15:00.001-08:00

I have a ton of posts all planned out. Unfortunately, the day has gotten away from me quite a bit more than I anticipated. I still haven't finished my homework (notice the time?). Besides the fact that I've had a touch of a migraine today. So that's it for me. My professor is getting a quick note as to why my story will be late this week and I'm off to bed. Lame post for the day, I know. Sorry about that. I promise I'll have something more interesting tomorrow. I simply didn't want my NaBloPoMo to end so quickly

My Husband Rocks! - Video Games

2008-11-07T07:47:00.000-08:00

Well, another week has ended and Friday is here. So of course that means another reason why my husband rocks. This week has a little bit to do with my post from yesterday. Yesterday, I said that I'm not all that into video games. More and more lately that's changing. My brother got me hooked on Guitar Hero (so much fun). And I'm loving the Wii.

For J.R.'s birthday in May, my brother got him the Star Wars Lego game. When he first got the game I watched him play it for a bit. It's actually really cute. Everything is made out of Lego's and when you kill someone they break apart into a bunch of little Lego's. There are also sections where you have a pile of Lego's and you have to build something. It was cute but I wasn't all that interested in playing.

This week that changed. I wasn't interested in watching a whole lot of tv because I was tired of all the commercials. So I began playing this little game. It's actually pretty fun. It takes you through all three of the original Star Wars movies.

So why does my husband rock this week? Yes, I'm getting there. This week he rocks because he has been so patient to help me with this game. I admit I'm easily frustrated when I am not able to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing. And I shamefully admit I didn't always speak to him in the nicest way concerning this game. (Sorry babe!) But despite my sometimes terrible behavior, he was always quick to help me out and show me what to do, even if he was upstairs doing something else. So that is why J.R. rocks this week.

Wonderful World of . . . Video Games?

2008-11-06T08:04:00.000-08:00

I have never been one to play video games all that often. As a child my favorites were Super Mario Bros and Tetris. That was it. As I got into my teen years, almost any desire to play video games disappeared.

As I got to college one of my roommates turned me onto the Sims. That became a bit of an obsession unfortunately. My favorite part about the game was creating new houses and decorating them. Still not much in the way of an "actual" video game.

A few months ago, J.R. and I were visiting his aunt and uncle's house. It was then I discovered the most incredible invention known to man, the Wii. Ok so maybe it's not the most incredible invention known to man, but it is pretty cool. I was hooked. J.R. and I have been talking about the fact that we want a Wii ever since. However, seeing the current state of our budget, that just doesn't seem to be a possibility. We're hoping we can get J.R.'s mom to buy it for us for Christmas.

On Monday of this week, we again went over to C and J's house for dinner with the whole family. We, as usual, had a nice time. But we discovered a new game on the Wii, boxing. Yeah, I'm sitting here two days later and am still pretty sore. J.R.'s 13 year old cousin had a great time laughing as he watched us try to beat each other up. I'm sure we looked pretty silly. It was a lot of fun but wow what a workout. I was almost to the point that I was sweating. Yet another great reason to get one, its a way to workout as well.

So we'll see if J.R. and I get our wish to own our own Wii. Until then, I think I'll finish recuperating from this last experience. :)

It may be that all games are silly. But then, so are humans.
~Robert Lynd

Quick side note: Better Home Interiors is doing a give away. Check it out. http://betterhomeinteriors.blogspot.com/

WFW - Isaiah 26:3

2008-11-05T00:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I was wracking my brain trying to think of a scripture that had to do with politics since that is a big focus in the nation right now. I found one I could use. It basically said to pray for your leaders, never a bad idea. However, as I began to search for a picture to go with this scripture, a completely different scripture kept circling around in my head. So that's when I took the cue and changed my already well thought out verse.

As I type this, the results of the election are pouring in and who our new president will be is about to be decided. As I said earlier this week, I'm avoiding all things political, except for actually voting. This morning I drove out to my parents house (seems after 4 years of marriage I'm still registered in their district, gotta get that changed) to vote. The school where I was to vote was just up the street from their house. So my mom and I took a nice if not strenuous walk to the school.

I won't be watching the returns and I'll simply wait till tomorrow to see who our new president is, along with all the other important measures in my state. But irregardless of who comes out on top, my trust is not in some leader or even my country. No, my trust is in the Lord. No matter what may come I know He is in control.

That brings me to my verse for this week. Because my trust is in the Lord and I know that He controls all I can have a peace no matter what circumstances may surround me. I cannot be distracted by the waves around me, as Peter was. (Matthew 14:22-33) I must simply look to the Lord and trust in Him and He will give me a peace that surpasses all understanding (another great verse on peace, Philippians 4:7). Stop and think about that one for a minute. His peace is so great it transcends all knowledge, common sense, wisdom or any human knowledge. That's an incredible thing.

I love this verse because it is a promise. It is a promise that if I simply focus my energy on the Lord and His will and His ways, He will give me a peace because I trust in Him. That's not always an easy task as the problems and issues of the world come to our doorstep. But as long as we trust in Him he will give us peace. What an awesome promise!

Lastly, I wanted to quickly explain my picture this week. It was taken on my honeymoon. It was the last stop of our cruise and J.R. and I went on a sunset sail. It was probably one of the best memories I have of this trip. We were on a relatively small boat. There were only about 12 to 15 total passengers, including the crew. Because the alcohol was free everyone on board was getting completely plastered. J.R. and I opted out of the drinking and just enjoyed the scenery. This was probably one of the best sunsets I've ever seen. It was beautiful. It reminds me so much of a peaceful quiet, which is why I thought it was perfect for this verse.

Teachable Tuesday - Who Do You Say I Am?

2008-11-04T00:35:00.000-08:00

For the past couple of months I have been considering doing some kind of feature on my little old blog here. I was reading some interesting things and I wanted to share my new found knowledge with others. What can I say? I'm a teacher at heart and I'll probably never stop. I had a few ideas. However, when I went to see if they had been done before I was disappointed to find they had. It was back to the drawing board as I attempted to find something original. Then when I wrote this post, it hit me. I had a stroke of genius. Well, maybe not. But I had a good idea.

That is when "Teachable Tuesday" began in my mind. Teachable Tuesday isn't just about me sharing the information I'm learning. No, it goes a bit deeper than that. It fuels my desire to never stop learning. While, yes, I am a teacher and whether or not I ever have a classroom again I will still be a teacher. More than that, I never want to stop being a student, both inside and outside the classroom. I believe I learned so much more than I taught throughout my four years in the classroom. And I don't want that learning to end.

These days my learning has taken a different focus. I'm no longer preparing myself for classroom lectures and making sure I know enough so that a student isn't able to call me out for my lack of knowledge. No, my focus is for my own personal benefit.

The past few months I have been reading an incredible book. It's taking me a while because I feel the need to digest each section. I feel it is a must read for everyone. It's a classic. Mere Christianity by CS Lewis. (He's the one that wrote the Chronicles of Narnia. Fantastic series!) Now if you aren't a Christian don't let the title fool you. Yes, it is about Christianity. However, I feel that this book describes the Christian faith in the most simple yet comprehensive way I've found yet. It is packed with great illustrations. It is extremely deep, yet simple enough for even me to follow along.

One problem I feel that many books on the Christian faith face is the fact that our beliefs are based on the Bible. This can be a complicated matter if you come across someone who decides they do not believe in the Bible. The two are then caught in a catch 22 of sorts, where one's faith depends on a belief in the Bible, while the other refuses to see that the Bible is a valid source. Both are heading down drastically different paths and there is no bridge in which they can meet.

This is one of the reasons why I have truly enjoyed reading Mere Christianity. Unlike many other Christian authors, Lewis does not approach the subject matter from the point of view of the Bible. Quite frankly, I don't even recall him mentioning the Bible once so far in my reading. In essence, Lewis has built that bridge between the two.

When Lewis was 15 years old he declared himself to be an atheist. In this book, you can see this influence. Lewis is even as quoted as saying that he "came into Christianity kicking and screaming." Ironically, those tend to be the people most suited to explain their new found faith to other non-believers well. Lewis is no exception.

So in my reading I have been taking very detailed notes. It's as if I don't want to miss anything. In taking these notes, I began to think about sharing them here. That is how my idea came to be. I don't know how long I will do this. I still haven't finished the book and have pages and pages of notes already. Not to mention my parents bought me a collection of Lewis books for my birthday. So I've got plenty of fuel for the fire. So without further ado (yes I know I've already gone on long enough). My first Teachable Tuesday.

Lewis is a very quotable writer. You can find his quotes almost everywhere on almost any topic. However, this one is one of my favorites and has been on my mind a lot lately. When I surf the internet and even in conversations with friends, I have found something that disturbs me a bit. There are many people out there that claim that Jesus is a good guy, or a good teacher or a prophet or ... You name it. It seems as though puppy dogs and rainbows float through their minds when they think about the man Jesus. They have all this adoration for Him, yet they are unwilling to follow Him. They sometimes say, "well, that's just not for me." Or any other innumerable list of excuses. However, Jesus did not leave us with that option. CS Lewis says it best.

You must make your choice. either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronising nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.

This statement is all too true. Can you imagine someone saying they were the son (or daughter) of God that was sent down to save the world? How would you respond to someone who said that? Would you really call him a great teacher or moral leader? I highly doubt it. More than likely you would think at least he was a fool, at worse a madman.

Jesus asked His disciples the same question we all must face, whether we realize it or not, or whether we choose to answer or ignore it. We must all answer. Who do you say Jesus is? Is he a lunatic, a liar or is he your Lord?

"But what about you?" [Jesus] asked. "Who do you say I am?" Simon Peter answered, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God." Jesus replied, "Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by man, but by my Father in heaven."
Matthew 16:15-17

PS
What do you think of my new idea? Let me know! Poll to the left!

It's Finally Fall!

2008-11-03T08:05:00.000-08:00

It is finally beginning to feel like fall around here. I couldn't be happier. I love the cooler weather and I'm already getting excited for Christmas. It's my favorite time of year. I actually told J.R. that I was ready to put up Christmas decorations already. He told me not quite yet. Believe me the day after Thanksgiving they will up in a flash.

In other news, I've decided to participate in NaBloPoMo this year. If you don't know what that is you can check out the link in the right column. It basically means that I'll be writing a post for every day of this month. That's quite a tall order considering the most posts I've written in a month was 17 last month. I've already got the next week pretty much planned so I'm off to a good start. Hopefully I can keep this up all month long.

Finally, unless you've been hiding under a rock for the past year or so, you know that something big is happening in our nation tomorrow. It's probably one of the biggest elections in a very long time. It certainly has the nation divided over more than who our next leader should be. I've tended to keep my political opinions to myself here on my blog. I figure enough people are talking about who to vote for and are doing it far better than I could, so I've kept my mouth shut. This doesn't mean I don't have very strong opinions.

In fact, I've had such a burden on my heart to pray for this election. I've never felt that way before. However, not a day goes by that I don't feel this weight to pray for the future of our nation and for this vote. Now while I have very strong feelings about how this vote should turn out, that is not the way I've been praying. I don't feel the need to "pray in" my candidate or even how I feel certain propositions should be handled. No, my simple prayer has been that God's will will be done in this very uncertain of times and that He would work through whomever is elected. I will be very pleased when this whole thing is over. As many are, I'm sick of all the commercials and everything else involved. I want it to be over. So much so that I'm avoiding everything having to do with the election for the next two days. (Except for actually voting. I'll be there doing my job.) I'm just exhausted and worn out from it all.

In the midst of this exhaustion, I have found one bright spot. As many people are (including my parents), I'm on facebook. A few of my students have found me. It's been nice staying in touch with them even though I'm no longer teaching. One student in particular began a discussion forum with a few of his former classmates (he's a freshman in college now) and he invited me and one of the other teachers to join them. It's been refreshing to see these young adults express their opinions. I've been so proud of them. They are very well informed and very knowledgeable about why they are voting for each and every person and proposition. It would put most adults to shame. Even though I may not agree with all of their decisions I at least know they are making informed decisions. That is a great thing.

Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong.
~Richard Armour

Procrastination

2008-11-02T08:05:00.000-08:00

For the past 10 weeks my Saturdays have been filled with stress. It's a familiar feeling. And, for me, has a typical cause. The cause is procrastination. I'm a terrible procrastinator, or maybe I'm a great one. Either way you look at it, procrastination is a huge problem for me.

Now for the past 4 years procrastination has taken the form of grading. I hated grading. More specifically, I hated grading papers. I avoided it until the last possible minute. This wasn't a huge deal because as a teacher, apart from quarter grades, I create my own deadlines. That's a terrible thing for a procrastinator. I would put things back, back, back till I was absolutely forced to grade those dreaded papers, while my students begged to know what their grades were. Terrible I know. It was never my intention.

Before you begin to think that I must have been the most terrible teacher in the world, let me stop you right there. Tests and homework I graded as fast as I could. I knew it was important for them to have that immediate feedback. Sometimes the tests would take a little longer as essays were involved. (Essays are terrible to grade.) But I did what I could to get those back quickly. I'm referring more to the idea of papers and projects. I hated grading them and it would typically take me quite some time.

Now my form of procrastination has reverted back to the procrastination of my younger years. No longer am I the authority on deadlines, I have someone else dictating them to me. Yikes! Which means every Saturday, usually around 10pm, I am busting my behind trying to get homework done. Yes, that's right. I'm back in the land of homework. It's not a pleasant thing.

Every Saturday at midnight I have a paper due. Of course despite telling myself each and every week that I will begin doing my homework earlier in the week to avoid the considerable amount of stress, it never happens. I then find myself scrambling around trying to write something creative.

The class I'm taking is a creative writing class. I thought it would be fun and be a way to stretch myself as a writer. I have never really written creatively so this has been a huge stretch for me, which is probably why I procrastinate. Because of my procrastination, I'm not exactly putting my full effort into the class. That's not a good thing. Don't worry about my grade. I've always skated through school and I would estimate that I have either an A or A- at this point.

However, procrastination is not the only thing keeping me from my schoolwork each and every week. I don't do well with criticism, constructive or otherwise. I am fully aware that this teacher is in no way picking on me. I understand her intention is to help me and push me to be a better writer. I realize all this in my head. My heart is another matter. To see all the criticism week after week is torture for me. She doesn't have only bad things to say. But it's difficult to see how much improvement I need week after week. It's hard to take.

I realize if I were to just put a little extra effort into the class, I probably wouldn't receive as much criticism. But receiving this criticism makes me avoid doing my homework till the last possible minute. I'm in a catch 22 and only I can get myself out of it. I just wonder if I'll get myself out of it in the next 5 weeks.

If you want to make an easy job seem mighty hard, just keep putting off
doing it.
~Olin Miller

1st Blogoversary!

2008-11-01T00:44:00.000-07:00

Today is my Blogoversary. I began this blog just one year ago today. It's a bit hard to believe how quickly time flies. When most people come across a milestone such as this, it tends to cause them to stop and reflect on where they were and where they have come. I am no different. I realize this isn't some huge milestone such as a birthday, an anniversary, or some other marker of a great achievement. However, in my little world it is to me.

When I began this blog it was simply a way for me to vent my frustrations in the classroom. When you have over a hundred teenagers walking through your classroom everyday a place to vent is a necessary tool for survival. However, over the months it became much more than that. It became a place where I could record my thoughts and feelings, as well as, the occasional vent. I could have never imagined how this blog would take off as it did. Quite honestly, when I began this blog I was new to the whole blogging world. I never really read blogs, much less had written one. I now not only write two blogs (one for my friends and family and this one for the rest of the world) but I have 79 blogs I read in my Google Reader. That's a lot of reading and writing. Thankfully both are my favorite past times.

So much yet so little has changed in this past year. I am no longer a full-time teacher. That is a sad statement to me. However, I know God has a plan and I am exactly where He wants me to be at this moment. So I take comfort in that. That also has shifted the focus of this blog considerably. I no longer come home with cute, funny, or frustrating anecdotes about my students. I am writing on a more personal level at this point.

I also hoped by this point in time to have children, or at the very least be pregnant. Not much has changed in this area unfortunately. As much as that breaks my heart, I'm ok with that. I have finally found a peace with it. No that doesn't mean I'm thrilled with the state of things. And it doesn't mean I don't have my down moments either. But I'm working through it all and I'm learning a lot.

I have also grown quite a bit through this past year. I have gotten rid of a few things in my life that were very unhealthy for me. I am thankful that those things are gone and that I don't even have a desire for them any longer. That is a blessing.

To the more tangible of how this blog has changed. I have completely redesigned it all by myself (ok with the help of many, many tutorials, but I am still the one that did it). I discovered My Husband Rocks which I absolutely love as it is teaching me to not only look for the good things in my husband but is forcing me to share them. More recently, I discovered Word Filled Wednesdays. I love this idea as well. It allows me to be creative and also take a close look at the Word of God and how it is speaking to me. I love doing both these. Be on the look out for more new additions to the blog. I've had one idea in the works for quite some time now. It's really evolved since I first thought it up and I think I may be finally ready to reveal it.

So happy blogoversary to me! :)

We can draw lessons from the past, but we cannot live in it.
~Lyndon B. Johnson

My Husband Rocks! - Burrito Sharing

2008-10-31T00:03:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago J.R. and I started attending the young adults Bible study. Our friends are the leaders of the group and they host it in their home. They have been trying to get us to come for the longest time. We always felt like we would be a little out of touch since a lot of the people in the young adults group are college age and, well, J.R. and I are a bit beyond that point in our lives. Our friends continued to ask us to join them. We would occasionally do their big events with them but never the week to week meetings.

Our friends continued to invite us, telling us even though the group is a little younger we could serve as a good example for this group. Then they told us the group that meets from week to week is typically a small group that is very serious and willing to learn, they aren't there to play and hang out with their friends. We finally relented and we went. We were surprised. We really enjoyed it. Yes, we're a bit older than the average person there. However, we enjoyed it because we were finally being fed. We are learning. But it wasn't just that, we are able to contribute. And that's a nice feeling. So we've continued to go.

Every week we all eat dinner together. It's really nice to just be casual with everyone and share a meal. We get to talk and get to know one another before the "real" meeting gets underway. It's a nice time. This week we had burritos. Ok so that's not really a greatly important fact but go with me on this. I am going somewhere with this. I ate my burrito and was sitting just enjoying every one's company. J.R. made a second burrito for himself. He came over to me and offered me a bite. It was very sweet of him. R the leader of the group told J.R. "nice job" as he walked back. J.R. just kind of shrugged at him.

As we got in the car that evening, J.R. mentioned R's comment. He didn't understand why what he did was such a big deal. And in our house, he's right, it wasn't that big of a deal. So this is why my husband rocks this week. It isn't because he gave me a few bites of his burrito (although that was nice). And it's not even because he is such a giving and caring person (even though that is wonderful). My husband rocks this week because he is all those things and he doesn't even think it's that big of a deal. It is simply second nature for him to be so giving and caring towards me that when someone compliments him on it, he's not quite sure why they are complimenting him. That is why my husband rocks! I'm trying to learn to be so giving towards him. I've got a long way to go before I catch up to him.

That best portion of a good man's life, His little, nameless, unremembered
acts of kindness and of love.
William Wordsworth

WFW - Isaiah 40:31

2008-10-29T00:09:00.000-07:00

This week I have another scripture from Isaiah 40. When I was thinking about this scripture I didn't actually realize it was from the same chapter as the one I used last week. However, it was really on my heart so I figured I'd go with it. About a month ago a friend of mine gave me this scripture. (You can read about that here.) I didn't really know what it meant for my life at that moment. So I just went on and tucked it away for when I would understand why this scripture was given to me.

I was so certain that this scripture was speaking to me about my job situation. At that point in time I wasn't too concerned about the whole TTC process (more on that in a minute). My focus was on my job. So in a way this scripture comforted me in my search for a job. My job situation is basically worked out now. Thank God. My enormous amount of paperwork and tests have been turned in and now I wait to hear back to get my first students.

However, last night this scripture weighed heavily on my heart as I prayed. A while back I kept referring to a potentially big post I was planning. I had news, or so I thought. However, my answer wasn't coming quickly. It took a good four weeks for me to finally get an answer. I wasn't prepared for the answer I got. See for those four weeks I was fully convinced that I was pregnant. I never had a full on period and even the spotting I had was a week late. I took about 5 or 6 pregnancy tests all negative. However, I was still convinced I was pregnant. I realize this may sound foolish but I had medicine backing me up. I read article after article of how many women experience spotting in their first trimester. I also had a friend that told me she never got a positive pregnancy test. So I finally made the call to get a blood test to prove I actually was pregnant. Problem was I wasn't pregnant.

I was devastated. I was angry. I felt foolish. My hope was crushed. I cried out to God why? I questioned everything He was doing. Lately, I have been thinking more and more about just forgetting about having children. However, every time I begin thinking about it, it's as if God nudges me and says "I promised you I would give you children." I can't deny the ache in my heart to have children. I was so upset when I heard this news I told J.R. it would be better if I were dead. I was at the end of my rope. Quite honestly, I still am. I don't know how much more I can take of this. I am at a point where even praying about having children and asking God to give me children hurts. I am unable to utter the words. I'm no longer angry at God. I'm just exhausted with this whole thing.

But despite my exhaustion and hurt and everything else I'm feeling, God continues to remind me that He fulfills His promises. Only they don't come in my timing but His. That's a hard pill to swallow. So I continue to wait. But the one good thing about waiting is that God promises those who wait will renew their strength and soar on eagles wings.

I realize this is already getting a bit long, but I wanted to focus on that one line for a minute. This past August, J.R. took me flying. It was the most incredible thing ever. Because we were in such a small plane, it's probably the closest feeling to flying you can have while still being in a plane. (Yeah, I'm not up for sky diving, gliding or any of its cousins. No thanks.) The one thing you note the most when you are up there is how peaceful it is. There is no hustle and bustle of the world. There is a calm and a peace. I think that's part of what this scripture promises, not that we would just gain strength and endurance but that through this process of waiting we would have peace. That's definitely something I need a lot of. No matter what trial that awaits you the Lord promises that if we just wait on Him, He will take us above it all. That's a great promise. It's not easy but the results are well worth it. Besides sometimes God allows trials and tribulations in our lives to turn us back to Him, to cause us to rely on Him and draw us closer to Himself.

The Weekend

2008-10-27T19:36:00.000-07:00

Since I can't seem to think of what to write at the moment I suppose I'll resort to a quick recap of this weekend. I have a lot of topics swimming around in my head just waiting to be put down on ~~paper~~ computer. I just don't have a lot of patience to write them all out at the moment. I'm feeling a little funky and not in a good way. I've got to snap out of it and quick. Anyway on to my weekend.

Friday evening was nice and relaxing. J.R. and I stayed and home and did nothing. It was really nice. Saturday I had grandiose plans of scrubbing my entire house and beginning to reorganize and purge all the junk that subsists in our closets. I failed. I did none of that. Instead I spent a good portion of the day sitting in bed reading. I've been doing more and more of that lately. Since I received a mass amount of my favorite thing in the world (books) for my birthday, I have been devouring one after another. It's been fantastic.

Saturday evening J.R. skipped out on his weekly softball game and we went to not just the season opening, but the grand opening of a minor hockey team. They are not just a brand new team, they are also in a brand new arena in the area. J.R. was sad when the only minor hockey team in our area (over an hour away) left a few years ago. So he was very excited to hear about this new team and wanted to go to the season opener.

I'm not sure I've stated on here my love for hockey. It falls shortly behind my love of football and all things Bronco related. I knew next to nothing about hockey, except that the point of the game was to get the puck in the net. When I met J.R that all immediately changed. J.R. turned me on to hockey and I really enjoy it. There are two local teams in our area. J.R.'s aunt and uncle are fans of one (that resembles fowl and is closely linked to a family of rodents), while J.R. is a big fan of the other (one that resembles royalty). It creates quite the family rivalry.

I've never been to a season opener much less one for a brand new team. It was a lot of fun. I was surprised at the number of people in attendance. The arena seats close to 12,000. (At least that's what J.R. told me.) There were almost 9,000 people there. Not bad. It was a good game. Our team won. And there was even a good fight involved. It's not a real hockey game without a fight. ;)

Sunday was another relaxing day. We went to church then, as usual, headed over to my parents house for lunch. Typically, we all find places to crash while football blares in the background after our afternoon meal. This Sunday was a bit unusual in the fact that I spent the majority of the day locked up with my brother in his room. He just bought the new Guitar Hero and we ended up playing almost all day. A few months ago my brother hooked me on the game. I'm normally not much for video games of any sort. But this one was pretty fun. He generously gave me his old guitar and game for PS2, as he is spoiled and has a PS3. I have to say this new edition is far better than the rest. There are many more songs, not to mention more songs I recognize from my youth. It also lets you create your own character and guitar. It's fantastic.

So overall a nice and relaxing weekend spent with family. Doesn't get much better than that.

The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family.
~Thomas Jefferson

My Husband Rocks! - Peacemaker

2008-10-24T22:37:00.000-07:00

First, I wanted to thank all of you that commented for the encouragement. I needed it. :) Secondly, it's my husband rocks Friday! Yay! All week I've been trying to come up with a reason why my husband rocks. It's not that he doesn't. It's just I feel that these are starting to sound the same week after week, so it's time to get a little more creative. So this week my husband rocks because he is so patient with me. I'm not the easiest person to live with. But he is patient to deal with all of my annoyingness (don't think that's an actual word but I'm going with it). Our house is full of peace. We very rarely argue and when we do, it's over in minutes. I can only attribute that to J.R. He is the reason our house is so peaceful. So this week my husband rocks because he is so patient to put up with all my nonsense. Thanks babe!

The Teacher in Me

2008-10-22T23:41:00.000-07:00

I miss teaching. I miss having someone with to share my knowledge. Quite honestly, this isn't even about not being in the classroom anymore. It’s not about not teaching history, economics, literature, or even the dreaded speech & debate or journalism classes. This feeling started a few years ago when I was still in the classroom. I was frustrated then because I often wasn’t able to teach what was truly on my heart. I had to stick to lesson plans and, God forbid, the actual topics of the class. ;) But I wanted to teach more. There was such a great desire in me to teach more. Sometimes the topics I desired to teach would come about during class discussions. I would then have no problem dropping everything to discuss the questions my students had. I enjoyed it immensely. Better yet, my students enjoyed it as well. But unfortunately those times were few and far between. However, I was able to solace myself in the fact that from time to time I did indeed get to teach what was on my heart. I no longer have even that. That saddens me.

The past week or so there has been this enormous pulling on my heart. I am grieved by the certain state of matters, so much so that I cried twice today in my prayer time. My tears were not for myself or even for those close to me. My tears were only what I can describe as my soul and spirit crying out to God for these matters that weigh so heavy upon me. I’ve never felt this way before. It frightens me a bit. I’m scared at what may become of it. It is as though I have something welling up inside of me and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep it in. I’m terrified at letting it out.

It’s readily apparent that I am not ashamed of my beliefs. I know what I believe and I know why I believe it and there is nothing in this earth that can move me from what I believe. What terrifies me is making waves, of creating controversy, of creating enemies. I do not live my life trying to please everyone. That is a silly and irrational goal. It is a goal that will only bring upon strife. It is a goal of an insecure person.

I am not an insecure person. I do not, however, enjoy offending people. It bothers me. I pride myself on never pushing my beliefs on others. I believe they have the right to believe what they want to believe as much as I do. I rarely speak about my own faith unless specifically asked in an effort not to push my beliefs on others. As I said, I don’t want to offend.

However, I have this burden upon my heart. It’s screaming to get out. I can barely contain it any longer. I have been learning so much lately and with that knowledge I feel a sense of responsibility to share, to teach others. But I no longer have a classroom. My only link to the outside world is this little blog that very few read. I know what is burning on my heart to share will offend many and not just those who do not share my faith. It will offend those that proclaim to share my faith.

I don’t know how much longer I can keep a lid on this. This feeling grows within me everyday. I’m scared of the reaction I will receive when it finally does burst forth. But for now my fears are keeping things shut tight. Even now I hesitate to click publish. I feel as if I have exposed myself too much already. Being bold and fearless has never been my strong suit.

Freedom lies in being bold.
~Robert Frost

WFW - Psalms 40:2

2008-10-22T00:13:00.000-07:00

I took this picture this last Friday when I went to the beach with my mom. I'm not sure why I took a picture of my feet. I suppose I was just bored and taking pictures of everything. This wasn't an easy shot to make while trying to avoid the waves crashing around me. It's not the most flattering shot either. :)

Then I came across this scripture in my daily devotionals. I knew it would be perfect for my next WFW. Many people use this verse when they refer to coming to salvation for the first time. I don't want to degrade that in any way. It's a great verse to illustrate that transition. However, sometimes throughout our lives we feel like we are dragged through the mud and just at the end of our ropes. The unfortunate things in our lives don't cease to happen simply because we find faith in God. Sometimes our trials become worse as our faith is tested. This scripture is a reminder that the Lord is faithful to bring us out of our own "horrible pit" and that even in the midst of our struggles and problems He is faithful to establish our steps. I suppose it coincides with my verse from last week. I'm having to hold on to the promise that God has a plan for me and what He has planned for me is good. I must continue to hold on to these promises even in the midst of my greatest struggles.

The Beach

2008-10-20T22:38:00.001-07:00

Last week my mom and I each had a pretty difficult time. Because of that we decided to get away for the day. While we would have loved to go somewhere far far away, we're both broke as can be. So we decided to head down to San Diego (a favorite place for both of us). We spent the day at the beach. We took our lunches and a blanket and some chairs and we were set. It was such a nice and relaxing day. We found this little beach to just sit and relax. We walked down to the water and got our feet wet. While we were soaking our feet we saw something neither of us had ever seen before. Just under the top layer of sand was black sand, that in and of itself was pretty cool. But the unusual thing about the sand was it seemed to shimmer. As the waves would crash onto the sand the water would sparkle with the newly disturbed sand. It was pretty incredible. My mom said it looked like there were gold flecks in the sand. It was beautiful. I wish the camera could have caught that. But it didn't. It was also the softest sand I've ever felt, except for the stuff you buy at the store that is.

When we went back to our spot on the beach it was a little warm because where we were sitting was in a little cove and so the breeze from the ocean wasn't quite hitting us. But other than being a little warm it was perfect and a much needed break from the norm. As we sat there I turned around and noticed this little guy just inches from me.

I was amazed and very careful not to make any sudden movements. He seemed to be fearless. My mom even had enough time to get out the camera and take a couple of shots as he walked right behind us. Amazing. When we left we made a stop to get some ice cream. Yum. So a great little outing with just my mom and I. Since my mom was working 4 days a week, this summer we have been getting together every Friday. It's been such a nice time to just spend with my mom and I'm so grateful for it.

There is no need to go to India or anywhere else to find peace. You
will find that deep place of silence right in your room, your garden or even
your bathtub.
~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross>

My Husband Rocks! - Breakfast

2008-10-17T09:03:00.000-07:00

I have one of the most wonderful husbands ever. Every Saturday J.R. either makes breakfast for me or goes out and gets breakfast for me. More and more he's been doing a lot of cooking. He's gotten pretty good. He'll make me breakfast burritos or pancakes. He even started using cookie cutters to make me shaped pancakes. Very cute. This week he branched out a little and made me french toast. I am very impressed. Thanks babe! You are the best!

This week I wasn't feeling to well and like I said I was in a bit of a slump. J.R. is so good to take care of me. He still doesn't quite know how to react when I'm crying. But he is smart enough to ask me if I want him there, if I want him to hold me, or if I just want him to leave me alone. He also does everything in his power to make me feel better. He even made me brownies. He's too good to me. I'm so thankful that I have such a wonderful husband that truly does rock. :)

WFW - Jeremiah 29:11-13

2008-10-15T00:38:00.000-07:00

I discovered this wonderful idea not too long ago. I figured I would join in. If you're not familiar with it click on the picture above. The basic idea is to post a picture with a scripture. I figured why not. It would allow me to be a little creative and put the Word of God out there. So for my first WFW I have chosen my all time favorite verse. It's a verse that many people quote quite often. However, I feel that people tend to stop their quotes just a tad too early. That's why I always include the next two verses. I believe they are extremely important for understanding the meaning of the verse. There are always conditions that must be met in order for God's promises to be fulfilled. In this circumstance, God promises us a future filled with hope and prosperity if we call on Him and seek Him.

That's not to say that bad things never happen or that good things only happen to those that follow God. No this is a simple reminder to me that in the midst of my troubles and not so great circumstances God is there and He has a plan for me. And even though sometimes I have to go through difficult times, His plan is good. I just don't always see the big picture and He does. So it's just nice to have this reminder that I serve a great and powerful God that has a plan and a future for my life no matter what I may go through.

That is a difficult thing to come to terms with when everything seems to be going wrong. But there is also hope. I had a rough day Monday. I got some bad news. I didn't just cry, I sobbed for quite some time. I was angry with God. I felt I had been lied too. I can't claim to know all the answers. I still struggle with many of them. But I also believe that we are being presumptuous if we demand to know all the answers. How can we possibly know the mind of God? His ways are perfect, even if we don't understand them all. So I choose to put my trust in Him. It's not always easy. Sometimes it's a difficult struggle. And it's even ok to get mad every once in a while. But I must always come back to the fact that God has a plan for me. My focus cannot be on my circumstances, my focus needs to be on Him. And these scriptures are a great reminder of that for me.

Fireproof

2008-10-14T11:11:00.000-07:00

This weekend quite a few couples from my church got together to see Fireproof. If you haven't heard of it that's not surprising. It was actually produced by a church. This is the second film (that I know of) they have produced. The first was Facing the Giants. A good movie but one that's been done time and time again. Not to mention had terrible acting. But for a first film (again as far as I know) it wasn't too bad.

Fireproof stars Kirk Cameron. It's basically about a fireman that is in the midst of a failing marriage. It's the story of this fireman's fight to save his marriage. It's a really good story. It's actually based on an actual book called "The Love Dare." I recommend anyone go see it. But don't expect much in the way of acting. You kind of have to ignore it and take in the story. I will admit the acting is quite a bit better than Facing the Giants.

One thing of mention. Kirk Cameron refused to kiss the actress that played his wife. He said he wouldn't kiss anyone that wasn't his wife. So they used his real wife as a body double. I have no doubt that he got a lot of grief for doing this and taking this stand. However, I also believe it's highly admirable. I watched an interview with him. He stated that his wife was happy with his decision and that she is the only one that matters. How true! And I'm sure if more people took their marriages as seriously we may not have the divorce rate we have. Is it any wonder that marriages in the entertainment industry are by and large huge failures? Kissing is the least of what many of them sign up for in their projects. That has to make it extremely difficult for any marriage to survive, whether they want to admit it or not.

Ok rant over. I've said my peace. If you get a chance I would check out the movie. Like I said, it was a really good story.

I GOT A JOB!!

2008-10-13T09:56:00.000-07:00

I GOT A JOB!!!!! And yes I'm yelling that at the top of my lungs. Finally, finally, finally. I'm really excited about it. I got a call Friday from a tutoring company. They noticed my resume on one of the many job search sites I signed up with. It's only part time work. But I get to schedule my own hours and pick what I want to tutor. She also informed me that they have a lot of clients in the area. So it looks like I'll have a pretty easy time staying busy.

It's probably going to take a few weeks before I actually start. I have to get all my information in, do a livescan (fingerprints) again for the 4th or 5th time. Plus I apparently lost my Social Security card. Not sure how I did that. But now I have to wait for them to send me one. Hopefully it won't take too long. But the important thing is I have a job!! Woo Hoo!

I was really excited about simply having a job. Then I began to calculate how much I would be making if I worked the full 25 hours they'll allow me to work. I was stunned. I wouldn't need another job. I could work part time and make just as much, if not a bit more, as I was working at a full time teaching job. That's a little sad. But I'm really excited about it.

I'm completely flabbergasted at how great God is. He has exceeded my expectations here. I plan on still looking for maybe another part time job or I might sub. We can use all the extra money we can get. I'd really like to get completely out of debt. That would be a big relief. I can't hardly express how excited I am and how grateful I am to God for His every provision.

And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by
Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19

Blankets

2008-10-12T12:00:00.000-07:00

When I was in high school there was one particular class that I always wanted to take. Quite honestly, I don't even remember exactly what class it was. All I remember is I would see these girls walking around campus with these blankets they were making. I wanted to learn how to do that. So my senior year I signed up for that class for the sole purpose of learning how to make one of those blankets.

The class started out fine. However, within the first week I had some scheduling conflicts. I had to drop the class. That sucked. However, my mom knew I wanted to make a blanket so she took me to the store. I picked out some yarn that I liked and we picked out a how to book. We got home and I picked one of the stitches from the book that I liked and my mom taught me how to do it. And that was that. I've never learned another stitch. I'm sure it wouldn't be difficult, I'm just stuck in my ways. I made myself a blanket over that semester. It turned out pretty good. Then I began making my parents a blanket. Then my brother got jealous and wanted one for himself. However, I had less and less time to devote to blanket making. It took a few years before my brother's blanket was finished. Poor guy.

Shortly after we got married and we got our kittens, I took it up again. This time making baby blankets. The first one I did was for the cat. Silly I know. But she was always on my lap when I was finishing my brother's blanket so I thought she would like to have one of her own. Turns out she just liked being on me. Our other cat did like it and it remains at the foot of our bed.

When I first started out making the baby blanket I was a little self-conscious. I didn't want people to think I was making a blanket for MY baby. Then it turned into a "I didn't want people to know that we were TTC." Silly I know. But the next blanket I made was for my future child. Or so I thought. Turned out the TTC thing was taking a bit longer than I'd like. So I gave that blanket to a friend that had surprisingly gotten pregnant. No big deal I told myself. The next one will be for your child. Again that was a big no. I ended up giving that one away as well. As I continued to make blanket after blanket, one friend after another would become pregnant and I would give the blanket away. (On more than one occasion the color of the blanket I was working on turned out to predict the gender of my friends child. Strange.)

I continued to work on blanket after blanket assuring myself this would be the blanket for my child. It wasn't so. Now when I begin a blanket I'm not sure who the blanket will be for. I just know that I enjoy making them. I especially enjoy the look on my friend's faces when I give them their blankets. I had one friend, after opening her gift from me, exclaim, "Yes! I was hoping you would make one for me." I smiled and laughed. I told her of course, I make them for all my friends.

The manner of giving is worth more than the gift.
~Pierre Corneille

Cakes!

2008-10-11T11:00:00.000-07:00

I haven't been in much of a writing mood lately. Like I said a few days ago I've been blah. However, I find myself in a writing mood at the moment, so I'm going to use it for all its worth. This is already my 3rd post of the day (Thursday). I'm scheduling them to post throughout the weekend so I don't feel like such a bad blogger. I love this scheduling thing. It's fantastic. Anyway.

Last week I was pretty busy working on my mom's website. My mom has been decorating cakes since before I was born. She is completely self-taught, which is amazing. When I was growing up she would always do the occasional cake for friends and family, even a couple of wedding cakes. The past 5 or 6 years she began to branch out a bit more. She was getting a lot more orders for cakes, no longer just doing them for friends. That's about the time she decided to start her own business. It's still just a side thing that we do. One day we hope to open our own bakery. But for now she just does cakes for friends and family and anyone else that happens to hear about us.

A few years ago, I began helping my mom out more and more. I figured because I had watched my mom do this stuff for years it would be no problem. I was wrong. (Silly me.) I needed practice. So I signed up for some classes, which were pretty fun. I knew most of the basics but needed a place (and an excuse) to just practice and get my technique down. Now I can do basically what my mom can and have learned a few tricks that she doesn't know. She refers to me as her design consultant. :) I help her out whenever she has a lot to do or just needs the help. She also tells me I'm her flower girl, which translated means I get to sit and make flower after flower. Woo Hoo. (Note the sarcasm?)

One time she did this bridal shower. They wanted cupcakes. Ok that's cute and really popular right now. However, I had to make close to 200 itty bitty little flowers for the blasted cupcakes. Then I did something I never should have done. I asked my mom how much she was charging. My jaw dropped when I heard the answer. I was amazed at how little she was charging to do such a big job. Needless to say my mom is not a salesperson. She has a hard time pricing things fairly for herself. Thankfully, we've almost overcome that. She's not outrageous with her prices. But at least she's making a fair amount now.

So for years people have been asking her if she has a website. She would have to respond with no. Then she would turn to me and ask me when I was going to do that. I would then respond, "Whenever you get your pictures up for me." Well, about a week ago my dad finally did just that and I got to work on her website. And now it's up and running. It's not the best thing out there but I did what I could with what I know. (Which isn't much.) But I'm proud of it.

This has gotten a lot longer than I expected. Almost done. Promise. My mom's name is Debbie so I think it was my dad that came up with the name of Debbie's Delicacies. I think it's cute. When I started getting more involved she suggested we change it to Debbie and Daughter's Delicacies. But I told her that wasn't necessary and it was fine the way it was. My mom's name means bee. So on her logo she has a bee. We really feel that this represents the whole thing. My mom would say that physically bees shouldn't be able to fly. However, they do, much like this whole business. The orders we get and the things that happen shouldn't happen. But they do. Just evidence of God's blessings. :)

So here's the site if you want to take a look. Let me know what you think.

Debbie's Delicacies

Real success is finding your lifework in the work that you love.
~ David McCullough

My Husband Rocks! - The Garage

2008-10-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

I meant to post this last week. However, the day and weekend just seemed to get away from me. (I knew I should have typed it up and scheduled it. oh well.) This week my husband rocks for a really great reason. Almost two Saturdays ago I went to a friend's baby shower. I enjoyed my time. However, when I got home and pulled into the garage I noticed something truly wonderful. J.R. had cleaned up the garage. He did a really great job too. It still needs some work and a lot of stuff just needs to be thrown away. However, the difference was amazing. I've been trying to go through all our closets and the garage to get rid of everything unnecessary. I don't know if we'll be moving anytime soon. (I'd rather not for the moment.) But I would like to have things in order so we don't have to move with all this unnecessary crap. So my husband rocks for cleaning the garage. What more could a girl want?

The excellence of a gift lies in its appropriateness rather than in its
value.
~ Charles Dudley Warner

God's Provision

2008-10-09T13:47:00.000-07:00

This has been a difficult week, especially for my mom. She's recovered nicely. However, she's dealing with some personal issues that have really got her down and I'm really worried about her. I know God is going to work out the entire situation for her but it's really difficult to watch her go through it. I feel helpless and wish I could do something but I know I can't. All I can do is pray for her. So that's been weighing heavy on me.

In other news, I should FINALLY be getting my answer soon. I've done all I can and now I have to wait for the answer. Not fun. I'll admit I'm a bit nervous about it. But whatever happens I know God is in control.

Rather than focus on what is weighing me down I'm going to look to the positive. Throughout this whole situation of my not having a job, I've been nervous. I've wondered how we are going to get through this. I wonder when a job will come along. It's not easy feeling like your entire life is at a standstill. But I know God works through ALL things. I know that He is using this time to teach J.R. and I some lessons and to cause us to grow. That's usually not an easy thing. So I'm trying to learn what I can (as fast as I can) so I can move on to the next step.

In the midst of all my questions God continues to tell me one thing. He keeps telling me "I am your provider." Everytime I start to worry and wonder, God steps in and says, "I am your provider." It's been wonderful to hear that time and time again. I'll be honest, it doesn't stop me from worrying at all. But it does give me a peace of mind to know that God is my provider no matter what circumstances in life may come.

It is one thing to hear that God is my provider. However, living and walking that out can be difficult. Over the past few weeks God has proved His faithfulness to J.R. and I time and time again. Some of these are just small little things. Others are huge. Either way they are reminders that what God says is true and that He will provide for us. So I just wanted to take a minute to give praise to my God that has provided for us. I also want to get this down in writing so I won't forget his every provision.

For example:

A few weeks ago J.R. and I were at a Bible study. During that time, we prayed as a group that I would find a job and that God would provide for our needs. When we got home there was a message on the machine offering me $200 to be involved in a survey. Woo Hoo!
Over the past almost 2 weeks, J.R. and I have had to pay for a total of 3 dinners for ourselves. The rest of the time we have been to friends and family for dinner. That has definitely saved us quite a bit of money.
My mom has been wanting me to do a website for her cake company for a LONG time. She finally got my dad to get all her pictures uploaded so I could work on it. I finished it last week. On our weekly hang out time (my mom has Friday's off so we usually spend some time together. It's been really nice.), she gave me a card thanking me for all my hard work and $100. Amazing!
At church on Sunday, a friend of mine walked up to me during our time of offering. (Our church does offering in a rather unusual way. I love it! Rather than having buckets passed around, people bring their offering and place them in buckets in front of the church. It's not about showing off that you are giving or the pastors checking to make sure you are giving. It's seen as an act of worship to bring your offering to God. I think it's cool.) Anyway. She came up to me and gave me a hug. She shoved something in my hand and quickly said, "I'm just doing what I'm supposed to do." Then she rushed off. She had given me a check for $100. I began crying. (As I'm writing this I began to cry again.) I was so touched because I know they don't have a lot of money. But I know that they were being obedient to God. I knew God was taking care of us. Because of her gift and the money my mom gave me, we were able to make rent this month. We wouldn't have otherwise.

Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the
ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are
all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many
sparrows.
~ Matthew 10:29-31

Blah

2008-10-07T12:58:00.000-07:00

I'm really slacking on the blogging thing lately. Though I do admit there's not a whole lot to talk about at this point. I feel like my life is at a standstill. No job, TTC is there but not a whole lot to report there. As I gave up obsessing about it I really don't feel the need to write about that aspect of life until there is some actual news. So just not a whole lot to discuss. Frankly I've had the blahs. Not upset, not mad, not anything. Just there. I was hoping for some answers this week and to unveil my enormously long post I've been promising. But still no answers. It might yet be another week. Sigh. I'm ok with it. I'm just tired of sitting in neutral idling along.

In other news, yesterday my mom had surgery. It was a simple outpatient procedure. The actual procedure took a whole 90 seconds. She was actually scheduled to have a hysterectomy earlier this summer. But that was cancelled and the doctor said it wasn't necessary and he wanted to try something else. Well, the medication didn't quite work so yesterday she had surgery (not the hysterectomy). She was in a lot of pain. A LOT. I've never seen my mom like that. She said it felt like she was having a baby. Yet the pain never let up once, it was constant. Ouch. My mom is pretty tough. She had both my brother and I without an epidural. She doesn't whine about being in pain ever. Last night was horrible. The pain medication did nothing for her, not even put her to sleep. I felt so bad for her. Today I'm here at my parents to take care of my mom. She's doing a lot better. She was asked what her pain was like on a scale of 1 to 10. Last night she said 15. Today she said 2. So that's really good.